Writing is one of my favorite things in the world. If I could actually earn a decent living at it, I would not get tired of writing all day. But been there, done that. It didn’t exactly work out. I have to pay my bills and buy things like food… and Stitch Fixes. I realize I have badly neglected this blog. I have never, ever, in the history of blogging gone for this long without writing something. And to be honest, I’m not completely certain why the writing stopped. Part of it is the time factor. I have a real, grownup job now. I help manage a bank. I know. Super adult, right? I mean it’s me we’re talking about. I’ve done everything but have a real, grownup job. Everything from being a missionary/singer to being a copywriter who sits in her pajamas all day to cleaning houses to selling barbecue grills all over the country (I hated that job). Having a real job means you can’t use the company’s resources and time to write about the crazy life-lessons you are learning.
But there is another factor. My life the last year or two has been emotionally, spiritually, and relationally chaotic. Sometimes just a little chaotic but other times a lot chaotic with some happy times mixed in. I won’t be a total downer. I haven’t really had the desire to write about it because I was already feeling vulnerable enough and it wasn’t something that I could be vulnerable with in a public way. So we’ll just leave it at that and start something new. Totally, completely new.
Because it’s a new season. And things are getting better and healed and freer. Kind of. Well, like I said… they’re “getting there”. A couple of months ago, even though I wasn’t really having the desire or motivation to write, I was having one of my Jesus conversations and that desire began creeping up in my heart again. So I asked Him if I was going to start writing again. He began talking to me about my role as a writer and that the things I write are coming from my heart—the heart that He gave me. And because my heart was wounded and hurting, He wanted to make sure it was healed so that the purest revelation possible could flow from it. Sounds like wisdom to me. So expect some more of these in the near future. Catch that? NEAR future.
Remember that episode of Friends where Ross thinks he has this thing called Unagi? He received Unagi while training in Kay-Ra-Tay. It is a conscious state of TOTAL awareness where a person is keen to all things around them. A sort of “sixth sense”, if you will, or what we who love Jesus might call communion with the Holy Spirit.I had an Unagi moment yesterday.
Life is always a mixture of ups and downs. Good stuff, bad stuff… it all comes with the package. Sometimes we just have to roll with the punches.
But yesterday, I was complaining a little, I will admit.
I just can’t do this anymore! This is impossible. There is no way I can handle this. I CANNOT DO IT. CANNOT. NO…. NO NO NO!!!!
And then Unagi:
“I trust you,” He says.
At first I think it is me praying these words out loud. Because that is something you PRAY, not something Jesus says to you… or at least He wouldn’t say it to me. But then I realized that I have a ton of trust issues and so that couldn’t have possibly been me who made this statement.
What the heck does that even mean?
“I trust you. You can do it. I picked you and that means you can do it.”
Ummmm…. No. No, I cannot.
“Well, not without me, you can’t. But you have Me, so you can.”
This doesn’t even make sense. What the heck is happening right now??
But something weird did happen. All of the pent-up anxiety that I had been feeling all morning just left. I felt this rod in my back, strengthening me, straightening me. I felt taller (those who have seen me might find that hard to believe).
He trusts me……… You trust me? ME????? WHY????
It’s funny how one word from God can change everything. It’s a suspicious word, I know. But His words bring life and I know that it was Him because that phrase brought life to my heart. That was the only thing I needed to hear. That He thought I could do it. No, that He KNEW I could do it.
Next time you give a word from God to someone, think about whether that Word will activate something in their heart. Will it bring life? Does it seem impossible or possibly ridiculous? Does it not make sense to you? Do things not line up with what you see? Then, baby, it is probably Unagi… errr Jesus. That’s how He rolls…. In the impossible.
I am not an end-times scholar and to be honest, despite the fact that I was a full-time staff member at the International House of Prayer for three years, my interest in end-times study was not as peaked as most of my colleagues. Despite various dreams in which Jesus was exhorting me to study Biblical prophecy, I find that it is difficult to hold my attention. I might even say it is boring (I shudder to think what some of my former leaders are thinking if they are reading this right now).
Yet with the events now surrounding Putin’s relationship with Syria in the news (read Joel Rosenberg’s blog here), it is hard to ignore that this may be a significant time post to the return of Jesus. Isaiah 17 and Jeremiah 49 both point to the destruction of Damascus (in Syria) in the last days. As Rosenberg points out, Damascus is the oldest inhabited city still in existence but according to scripture it will eventually be obliterated and completely uninhabited, overrun with wild animals. Gog and Magog point to a Russian influence in the situation which I am still attempting to understand. The chapters that surround Isaiah 17 are all eschatological and speak of the destruction of the enemies of Israel. According to Isaiah 17, Syria is one of those enemies.
The truth is we can have a total understanding of all of the facts in the conflict and what they will look like to us as Believers but one thing that I haven’t come across as often is a people who are carrying the heart of God for the innocent children who have been slaughtered with chemical weapons. We can spout a litany of facts but in reality, we’re really talking about a whole lot of people that are going to die and who have already died (thousands and thousands of them), and most of them have never encountered God. Yeah, I want to be for Israel. I don’t want to gloss over scripture and replace uncomfortable theology for what makes me feel better. I want to know the purposes and plans of God and not assume that I know what they are already. But with every fact that travels it’s way through my understanding, I also don’t want my heart to be disconnected from the Believers in Syria who are struggling to stay afloat in an already hostile environment. I don’t want my heart to disconnect from the thousands that are being massacred and then going to hell.
So Jesus, for all of us that like to be in the know, let’s not forget that You have a plan. You love these people. Whatever it is that will ultimately come from such a heated political climate, help us to trust in your sovereignty and goodness in all of it.
Over the past several years, I have been repeatedly asked whether the Bible speaks to the future of Syria. Pastors and other Christian leaders have asked. So have a number of U.S. leaders and those from other countries.
As the implosion of Syria accelerates, the question of what Bible prophecy says about the future of Syria is being asked more frequently. More and more media outlets are examining this question. During the horrific civil war that is underway there, more than 110,000 Syrians have been killed thus far, including, reportedly, through the use of chemical weapons in Damascus. More than two million Syrians have fled their country. Another five million more Syrians have been “internally displaced” — they have fled their homes and villages because of the brutal violence, but have not yet actually left their country. The country is steadily falling apart and there is a real question how in…
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This is a girl after my own heart.
I am finding I’m in the middle of a people-time crisis. I’ve been spending a lot of time with people and when I spend a lot of time with people I eventually develop a glazed-over-can’t-think-of-a-single-word-to-say persona. Last night in our Searcy community worship night in the little red house, I seriously wanted to cuddle under a blanket on my sofa and fall asleep to the sound of The Office blaring on my laptop.
We had a leadership meeting on Monday, workout and worship night last night, Adventure Cell tonight, Wellness Center class tomorrow, Gender Reveal party for McMullens on Friday… and I’m pretty sure Saturday is covered as well. I’m tired. And when I’m tired, I just think maybe I shouldn’t go to this tonight.
And then I feel guilty. And when I feel guilty I end up going anyway. And when I go anyway, I end up looking like a zombie who is pretending to be a zombie. I’m pretty sure that means I would look extra-un-dead. So in the end, because I would be of no comfort or encouragement to anyone, I have to take into consideration that I might need rest. I need rest so that I can be a source of life to people. I need solitude so I take time to see what the Holy Spirit is doing in my heart. I need quiet so I can love people well when there is loudness and activity.