Ok… so if praying with the IHOP family in an air-conditioned room while webstreaming The Call DC wasn’t cool enough… nothing cut the cake like Mike’s dance during Eddie’s set. What in the world?! Mike Bickle never ceases to amaze me. Now, no one can argue that Mike really does have a heart like David… not that dancing like a maniac across a stage in front of the entire world constitutes being a man after God’s own heart but I have to say that this was the icing on the cake next to Mike’s other amazing leadership qualities. I’m so glad Jesus found Him, saved Him and told Him to be a leader in the prayer movement.
And now that I’ve mentioned cake twice in a blog about spiritual matters I think I will call it a night.
Tomorrow I’m heading to Lakeland Florida to participate in a crazy healing revival. I will first fly out to Nashville, where another girlfriend will be coming from Kentucky to pick me up in which we will then drive the next 10 hours down there. It will be a week of the manifest presence of Jesus. There couldn’t possibly be a better vacation than that. However, things got a little tricky after this morning. I was informed that instead of returning to KC on the the 3rd that I must stay in Lakeland, as a bookstore manager and help Eddie James with his merch table until the 11th. This vacation has now morphed into not one but two weeks of the presence of Jesus… while being surrounded constantly by people.
Just a little peek into my personality. I truly do love people, however, I also love being by myself and openly proclaim that I am peculiarly a classic introvert. There are two things that only the closest people to me know provoke me to insanity and absolute crankiness and this is A. lack of food and B. lack of alone time.
This might get interesting.
Friday night I had sushi with pals Rebecca, Aaron, Lisa and Ann in which Rebecca, Lisa, and I gathered again to see Prince Caspian. Saturday Aaron and James helped me move and then Lisa arrived with a beautiful bouquet of electric blue delphinium and we sat and talked for some time. The rest of the afternoon and all of Sunday I was able to spend completely alone. While I probably would have preferred several more days of complete isolation in order to contain myself for the next couple of weeks, I’m hoping that one and a half days might suffice.
Either way… I’m not sure if I will be posting again for the next couple of weeks so bonjour!
Things have been finally settling down now that Onething is past us. That conference kicked my butt this year in more ways than one. Try working 15 hours a day in a crowded bookstore and you’ll totally understand what I mean. However, I am glad that all of the profit we made goes to keep the prayer movement alive and kicking.
New Years Eve night my hotel roomies and I ended up staying up until 5:30 having some bonding experiences and then, even in our total exhaustion checked out at noon and went to Cracker Barrell for breakfast. I then spent the rest of the day frying my brain watching television. I was too comatose for anything else. Yesterday, I went to The View to get a gym membership. I know this is very cliche for January 2nd but I am tired of being out of shape… it is time I finally stepped in and did something about it. I then went to The Plaza and spent the Christmas money my mom gave me on a new dress and sweater. I thought that I would see a movie but upon checking my phone to see the time… I saw 7 missed calls from various managers and co-workers… crap. I had to go in once more and help unload all of the merchandise from the u-haul trucks that were still sitting in the FSM parking lot.
But today I have off… from the bookstore anyway. I have an eye appointment, possibly a hair appointment… and then I have to clean this ridiculous mess in my bedroom.
I am still attempting to decide on the drastic decisions I briefly wrote about in the blog below.
I know this is a day late but MERRY CHRISTMAS! My life has been crazy in the last week and it’s about to get crazier on a totally different level this week… dun dun dun… Onething is in only two and a half days. Today was the first day of set-up and I’m already exhausted. I have friends staying at my house this weekend and nothing is clean and well I’m just too tired to clean it.
There have been some other exciting/interesting developments that I may start sharing when the timing is right. I think that my big brother, Caleb who is the most rational person I know, has actually been able to succeed in talking some sense into me. I will explain at a more appropriate time.
1. You know what is the single most annoying thing in the world to me? Passive-aggressive behavior. I absolutely LOATHE it. I hate when someone is having a conversation in my proximity and intentionally saying things because they know it is insulting to me. This happens quite often with a particular person that I know and it is totally perplexing to me. The problem is, I have no idea how to confront them about it. It’s impossible to confront a passive-aggressive person because they aren’t obvious enough to confront… which is why they are passive-aggressive in the first place. They still have the same attitude of heart that a confrontational person has, but a PA person knows that if they were obvious, they would get confronted about it. They’d rather stew in their own unforgiveness than go to the person they are upset with and make wrong things right. I’m not a confrontational person but when someone pushes my buttons, I will take them aside and tell them how they have wronged me. I think people are confused by me because passive-aggression is so common now a days. I think people assume that when I am quiet and don’t talk a lot that I am being PA but in reality, I’m just an introvert and sometimes I really really just don’t feel like talking to anyone. Don’t take it personally.
On one hand, the Bible tells us to rebuke our brother or sister who sins against us and if they repent, forgive them… which I normally don’t have a problem with. I have been rebuked before and it hurts, yes, but I’ve learned that it’s a pretty necessary part of growth. So rebuke me already! If you’re trying to hint at all of my problems in a passive-aggressive way… trust me, I know I have problems. This is not new news to me. If I’m starting to make you mad or I have hurt your feelings, than tell me for crying out loud but my problems, my personality flaws, my “issues” are really between the Lord and I. He is the only one that knows the motives and intentions of my heart. I have no problem letting someone know when they have wronged me. We are all a family, the body of Christ, so in order for us to grow as a family, it’s important for us to be honest and open with each-other. Passive-aggressiveness is NOT a Godly behaviour.
2. I am seriously so tired today which is probably due to the massive amounts of irritableness that I am feeling at the moment. I was suppose to be at work today at 9 but instead came in at 10 because I decided to take a jog at midnight last night, then come back home and do sit-ups and lift weights. I really just wanted to play music but this is not conducive to living with three other people. I was restless and honestly… I just really love the night… much to sorrow of my poor body right now. Did you know that facial spasms are due to lack of sleep combined with caffeine. So whenever you have an eye-twitch, before you freak out and think you are having a stroke… just get some sleep, dude.
3. I am singing for the first time at the JPR tomorrow morning. I’m pretty excited about it. Yeah.
4. Onething is coming up in a few weeks! It is my first Onething on staff and though I know I will probably feel like I’m going to die towards the end of it, I’m actually stoked.
So I am officially an approved singer at IHOP!!! I’m more excited about the deeper meanings of this than I am the fact that I an approved singer. Let me explain….
I have been singing in front of people since I was a little girl. My dad was a pastor and my mom was worship leader and I use to sing with her often at church on Sundays. In high school I was in numerous musicals and won several first place awards at the state level. About five years ago (2002) I was… get this… actually recording a CD and writing music (well more like lyrics) when my life suddenly turned upside down. I was a Christian at the time, singing Christian rock music but soon after these bad things happened I walked away from the Lord for a short time. I moved to Dallas where I thought I could get away from my problems only to be chased after by a very jealous God. Even after I started attending my church, I didn’t start singing again. Since these things have happened to me, I have struggled massively with fear. It has been the biggest battle in my life. My roommates, who I had lived with for 2 and half years didn’t even know I could sing up until about six months before I left for KC.
The entire time I was in KC I wanted so badly to be an approved singer but I knew fear controlled me so horribly that I just couldn’t do it. Not only this, but I wanted my heart to be singing for the right reasons. I didn’t want to do it for myself. I wanted it to mean something this time. I wanted to be a part of something bigger than me.
Well this summer, is when the journey began again. I started getting prophetic words from several different people about singing. Still, I didn’t hear anything from the Lord about me trying out again. All that I heard was “wait”. So I did. I waited and that’s when the dreams started. I started getting dreams about the power of worship. This followed by an incredible desire to go into my room every day and sing to Jesus. So I did… every single night I couldn’t help but just sing and worship as a part of my quiet time with Him. Next, God spoke to me about purchasing a keyboard, which I did and then everything started to become more clear as I spent time playing and worshiping. Music is a powerful powerful tool. I have learned that from both the past and present. I’m so excited to be able to help draw people in to the presence of God through music! It is a massively important part of the prayer movement.