I am an INFP according the the Meyers-Briggs personality types and I would like to add that I am a very very high I. This means that I process things internally for awhile until I feel comfortable to share them with others but because I am an F (Feeler), when I get to the unleashing point, I let it all hang out.
This past weekend there has been a lot of internal processing going on. As I had mentioned I spent some time in Texas. As I have spent some quality time with old friends, there have been lots of questions I have been asking the Lord about. Many of them have to do with the issue of community in the church. How important is church community to our daily lives as believers? What does true fellowship look like? Is community essential in every season of life or are there times when the Lord is asking us to withdraw from friends in order to strengthen us in other areas?
Initially, I was having a emotional conversation (again… I’m a big F) with an old friend, Karissa, about my frustrations with my current community. On one hand, I’ve had dreams that have led me to believe that I should remain at IHOP but that I needed to remain hidden while I am maturing but on the other hand, if I had a strong community of friends to back me, hiding from the rest of the world wouldn’t have to be an option because of the intense accountability and discipleship that takes place at Antioch in Waco.
I still don’t know if I’m going to end up at Waco. I haven’t felt in leading from Holy Spirit about this. I love IHOP and am thankful for the time I have spent here and believe that it has led to much fruit in my life yet the community I’ve experienced here (and maybe it’s just me) is seriously lacking.
In the last couple of days I’ve come to only one conclusion and that is to remain standing before Him, remaining confident that He will tell me what to do when I get to that point. After another dream from Him last night I have felt once again that it is not the time for “doing” anything beyond what I have been doing. In this inaction, He is teaching me to feed on His faithfulness and remain in His love. So the only place to go from here is… nowhere.
1. I’m going to see some old friends tomorrow night! Jessica and Kristen are singers for the band, Polyphonic Spree. The Spree is a quirky indie band known for the fun, colorful concerts and happy, bright music. Jessica is a motherly sweet type and Kristen is a sarcastic, dry but mostly hilarious old friend.
2. I have found that I sweat a lot when I try to be vulnerable and honest. When I say a lot I MEAN a lot. Have I mentioned that my roommates know almost nothing about me yet? I sometimes wonder why I feel the need to be outrageously honest with the most inappropriate people yet overly-guarded with the people I NEED to be vulnerable with.
3. I love my new van.
4. I missed my public blogs but it has been a refreshing time away… though it has been but a week it feels like forever.
5. I bought an awesome camera on ebay awhile back. I think I hate ebay though. Why? Because people are always lying on that thing. My camera was suppose to be new but when I recieved it, I found that the buttons had been so worn down that you could hardly read the symbols. And also… the instruction manuel was entirely in French. It is a Panasonic DMC-F27 with a LEICA(!) lens. This means it’s an awesome camera (with an awesome lens!).
6. Lots and lots of people have crushes on Jordan Baum. I don’t have a crush on anyone. Does that make me weird?
7. My former roomie, Amber and my other pal Jessica are going to South Africa next week. They are working with AIDS babies there. I am incredibly excited for them.
Thank you for reading today’s news message.
I miss Dallas. No, I crave to be in Dallas right now. It’s hard to make good, solid friends when you are in the thick of an extremely intense season in your life. I’m so thankful that I can call my old pals (like I called Amber tonight) and receive all kinds of encouragement still. They are always there when I need them! Luckily I have accumulated a mass amount of frequent flyer miles and will be taking some advantage of them in the very near future. This is why I love Dallas so much:
Kristi and I being tactless together… in which we are usually the only ones laughing and everyone else is staring at us in shocked silence.
Late night trips to Cafe Brazil for spinach crepes.
Maria and giant pickles at Central Market
Parties at Amanda and Ariel’s
Films at the Magnolia
Shopping with Jess in the West Village
Getting mad at Rob for being a lazy-butt
Life Group and brownies
Hugs from Denise and then her responding with “Brooke. Ms. McDaniel says that You’re suppose to get 10 hugs a day”
Live music… all the friggin’ time at Trees and Gypsy and the Door.
Passionate conversations about music with Doug every Tuesday night (who gave me a very RARE copy of his favorite CD of My Spacecoaster before I left!)
Dates and socks with Josh
Mike’s deer head polo shirt that he wears to Dwight concerts
The stunned expressions on all of the boys faces when I reveal that I am attracted to… beards.
Missy and I having our usual late-night discussions about men.
Jenise’s stupid bird that I taught to say”fart knocker”
The embarrassing discoveries I was always finding at Tanner/Rich/Mike’s apartment.
When Amanda would call Tanner “Tammy”
Throwing objects like tortillas out the window at the boys loft downtown
Climbing roofs in Deep Ellum and watching sunsets
Operatic singing among my roommates
Missy and I relating our entire lives around the Chronicles of Narnia
Prashanth always reading my mail
Couch cushion fights with twenty people in my living room
Hours and hours and hours of Alias DVD’s
Always finding stories to shock my Bible College friends with
All the wisdom you learn living with 4 other females who love eachother
Autumn and I baring our souls for hours and hours and hours
Jamie constantly stealing our eggs when she sleeps over
The most ridiculous stream of visitors almost every single weekend! We had so many people staying at our apartment from out of town it often felt like a hotel… only a hotel full of friends.
Borrowing my roommates clothes (this actually brings a tear to my eye).
Getting ticked at Amber for stealing my ramen… which is like 12 cents or something.
Kristi losing it over a tiny piece of burger in her vegetarian enchiladas
Ryan always waving down people in their cars and trying to buy furniture off of them
Weekends at Coldstone
Getting sick and tired of eating at Peiwei EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY
Ariel’s night in jail (HAHAHAHA)
Tony-isms and Karissa’s collection of them
The installation of the sink faucet
Our fat little dog who we thought was pregnant but was really just fat… so we gave her away 😦
The night Josh and I rebelled when the rest of the roommates were out of town.
The crazy demon weekend (and wow was it crazy)
The awesome trip to OU to see Lexi dance
I could go on and on and on. I just felt like reminiscing tonight. Somehow, it makes me feel a little bit better.
I’m moving this weekend and yet I have no furniture to put in my bedroom (except for a bookshelf but I can’t sleep on that). I don’t know how that’s going to work.
I don’t remember ever being this more hungry or desperate for God. But it’s weird because I found myself yesterday before prayer room getting into an argument with God. I really wanted to go back to Dallas. I guess I was having one of those pity me days. I would be happier there with all of my friends but unfortunately God’s not as concerned about my happiness as I am. I mean He wants us to prosper but He’s more concerned about obedience and my maturity.
But last night He met me even in my sour mood. He’s so good. He’s so much more faithful to us then we are to Him.