Author Archives: standonthewall

Writing is one of my favorite things in the world. If I could actually earn a decent living at it, I would not get tired of writing all day. But been there, done that. It didn’t exactly work out. I have to pay my bills and buy things like food… and Stitch Fixes. I realize I have badly neglected this blog. I have never, ever, in the history of blogging gone for this long without writing something. And to be honest, I’m not completely certain why the writing stopped. Part of it is the time factor. I have a real, grownup job now. I help manage a bank. I know. Super adult, right? I mean it’s me we’re talking about. I’ve done everything but have a real, grownup job. Everything from being a missionary/singer to being a copywriter who sits in her pajamas all day to cleaning houses to selling barbecue grills all over the country (I hated that job). Having a real job means you can’t use the company’s resources and time to write about the crazy life-lessons you are learning.
But there is another factor. My life the last year or two has been emotionally, spiritually, and relationally chaotic. Sometimes just a little chaotic but other times a lot chaotic with some happy times mixed in. I won’t be a total downer. I haven’t really had the desire to write about it because I was already feeling vulnerable enough and it wasn’t something that I could be vulnerable with in a public way. So we’ll just leave it at that and start something new. Totally, completely new.

Because it’s a new season. And things are getting better and healed and freer. Kind of. Well, like I said… they’re “getting there”. A couple of months ago, even though I wasn’t really having the desire or motivation to write, I was having one of my Jesus conversations and that desire began creeping up in my heart again. So I asked Him if I was going to start writing again. He began talking to me about my role as a writer and that the things I write are coming from my heart—the heart that He gave me. And because my heart was wounded and hurting, He wanted to make sure it was healed so that the purest revelation possible could flow from it. Sounds like wisdom to me. So expect some more of these in the near future. Catch that? NEAR future.


So two months ago I started this Stitch Fix thing. It is so crazy-fun basically because I am SO OVERWHELMED when I go shopping that I hardly ever shop. Too many choices, and with my job as a banker I need to not be naked and also not just not-naked but I have to wear NICE clothes. With Stitch Fix, someone else shops for you. You just tell them what you like and don’t like, your size, etc., and they pick out all kinds of cool things. You pay a $20 month styling fee which goes toward your purchase and whatever you don’t like you just send back with your pre-paid postage package. Plus, if you buy all five pieces you get a 25% off discount. If you refer a friend to Stitch Fix you get another $25 off the price. So read my review below and sign up here.

Sign up for Stitch Fix 

This is my third time receiving a fix. Last month I purchased all five items and recieved a whopping $85 discount. This time, I’m not sure it is either within my budget or even in my liking to purchase all the items but there were a few things I was impressed with. Taylor, my Stylist sent me a sweet note. Check it out:


Romolo Collar Necklace


I don’t wear a lot of jewelry and when I do I don’t like it to be over-the-top. I like this piece because it has a little edge and it’s very versatile. I can wear it with so much. I even have some earrings from a previous fix that would go so great with this! A little jewelry does pull an outfit together and gives me a touch more of a professional appearance. I think I’m gonna keep it. What do you think?

RD Style Teagan Wool Coat

I kind of cheated before I got my fix in the mail and looked to see what my stylist picked out by checking out some other reviews online.  I asked for a peacoat and wanted something vintagey. This is not really the style of coat I had in mind. I will say that it is nice and warm though! It had a fuzzy collar which I immediately detached. This made the coat a little more appealing but not by much. Plus, it’s a little big on me. I’m a petite little woman so coats are especially easy to size wrong on me. Just look at how long the sleeves are. Yikes! This was also kinda pricey. I might not have minded paying for it if I had really loved it, though. This one will probably go bye-bye.

Brixon Ivy Lace Pencil Skirt


After posting these pictures, I realized I probably should have showed something with a blouse tucked in. These photos don’t do it justice. Needless to say, I loved this skirt. Loved. It is so, “me”. It has this pretty purple lining underneath the black lace and the leather waistband will look so great with the right blouse. Definitely a keeper.

Le Lis Woven Back Knit Top



So I also asked Taylor to send me something with sort of a vintage floral. I was hoping I would get a sweater because it’s starting to get cool so this was the perfect combo. This will look great with some skinny jeans as well and maybe a pretty gold pendant. Do you like it?

Papermoon Lurline Scoop Neck Blouse

I really liked the print on this top. Really funky and boho but the fit? Just a little… Eh… I have these ample boosums and they sometimes make these loose, boxy fit blouses look more like maternity blouses. If I had tucked it into the skirt, I probably would have had a better result. Still thinking about it though because I could really use some more tops for work. Do you think it’s flattering on me?

What are your favorite pieces in this fix?

Remember that episode of Friends where Ross thinks he has this thing called Unagi? He received Unagi while training in Kay-Ra-Tay. It is a conscious state of TOTAL awareness where a person is keen to all things around them. A sort of “sixth sense”, if you will, or what we who love Jesus might call communion with the Holy Spirit.I had an Unagi moment yesterday.

Life is always a mixture of ups and downs. Good stuff, bad stuff… it all comes with the package. Sometimes we just have to roll with the punches.

But yesterday, I was complaining a little, I will admit.

I just can’t do this anymore! This is impossible. There is no way I can handle this. I CANNOT DO IT. CANNOT. NO…. NO NO NO!!!!

And then Unagi:

“I trust you,” He says.

At first I think it is me praying these words out loud. Because that is something you PRAY, not something Jesus says to you… or at least He wouldn’t say it to me. But then I realized that I have a ton of trust issues and so that couldn’t have possibly been me who made this statement.

What the heck does that even mean?

“I trust you. You can do it. I picked you and that means you can do it.”

Ummmm…. No. No, I cannot.

“Well, not without me, you can’t. But you have Me, so you can.”

This doesn’t even make sense. What the heck is happening right now??

But something weird did happen. All of the pent-up anxiety that I had been feeling all morning just left. I felt this rod in my back, strengthening me, straightening me. I felt taller (those who have seen me might find that hard to believe).

He trusts me……… You trust me? ME????? WHY????

It’s funny how one word from God can change everything. It’s a suspicious word, I know. But His words bring life and I know that it was Him because that phrase brought life to my heart. That was the only thing I needed to hear. That He thought I could do it. No, that He KNEW I could do it.

Next time you give a word from God to someone, think about whether that Word will activate something in their heart. Will it bring life? Does it seem impossible or possibly ridiculous? Does it not make sense to you? Do things not line up with what you see? Then, baby, it is probably Unagi… errr Jesus. That’s how He rolls…. In the impossible.

John Paul Jackson’s Dreams and Mysteries

This is a fantastic show on how God uses dreams to speak to us and WHY He uses dreams to speak to us. John Paul is known to have a real gift and calling on this subject. If you’re at all interested in dreams, find out what he has to say. 

I don’t think I know one talented artist who hasn’t lived through some sort of pain, confusion, or a “dark night of the soul”. Artists are prophetic. They reveal the voice of God that speaks through their own perspective on life and darkness and hope. I have seen dance choreographers, musicians, visual artists, etc., reflect the beautiful human side of God… the side that says, “this is my journey with God. The crap. The ugly parts. The joyful parts. This is what my heart looks like and because He made my heart, what I have to bring is beautiful.” Artists and prophetic people are sensitive, which means I’m sensitive. Wow…. am I sensitive. I feel everything around me and sometimes it is overwhelming.

I was thinking about all of this this morning. I went to bed late having wrestled with God for most of the night. Getting up early to sit before Him didn’t sound super appealing after four hours of sleep. Words were no longer formulating on my tongue. I didn’t know what to say anymore. I didn’t know what to write in my journal. The normal stream of consciousness wasn’t flowing freely. But I got my pen out anyway because the thoughts that were coming to me were so tender that if I said what I really wanted to, I would completely lose it. Instead I wrote lyrics. My lyrics magically knew what was going on in my heart without pounding me over the head with it.

Art is prayer. An artist may not be praying to the right person in their art but inside they are begging for something, communicating with Someone, directing their soul toward something they can’t see.

Jesus, I love how you let me communicate to You in this way. I love that even though I’m not saying out loud exactly what I’m thinking, you see what I’m trying to say through my art. You see my heart behind it and it reminds me that You know me.

I am not an end-times scholar and to be honest, despite the fact that I was a full-time staff member at the International House of Prayer for three years, my interest in end-times study was not as peaked as most of my colleagues. Despite various dreams in which Jesus was exhorting me to study Biblical prophecy, I find that it is difficult to hold my attention. I might even say it is boring (I shudder to think what some of my former leaders are thinking if they are reading this right now).

Yet with the events now surrounding Putin’s relationship with Syria in the news (read Joel Rosenberg’s blog here), it is hard to ignore that this may be a significant time post to the return of Jesus. Isaiah 17 and Jeremiah 49 both point to the destruction of Damascus (in Syria) in the last days. As Rosenberg points out, Damascus is the oldest inhabited city still in existence but according to scripture it will eventually be obliterated and completely uninhabited, overrun with wild animals. Gog and Magog point to a Russian influence in the situation which I am still attempting to understand. The chapters that surround Isaiah 17 are all eschatological and speak of the destruction of the enemies of Israel. According to Isaiah 17, Syria is one of those enemies.

The truth is we can have a total understanding of all of the facts in the conflict and what they will look like to us as Believers but one thing that I haven’t come across as often is a people who are carrying the heart of God for the innocent children who have been slaughtered with chemical weapons. We can spout a litany of facts but in reality, we’re really talking about a whole lot of people that are going to die and who have already died (thousands and thousands of them), and most of them have never encountered God. Yeah, I want to be for Israel. I don’t want to gloss over scripture and replace uncomfortable theology for what makes me feel better. I want to know the purposes and plans of God and not assume that I know what they are already. But with every fact that travels it’s way through my understanding, I also don’t want my heart to be disconnected from the Believers in Syria who are struggling to stay afloat in an already hostile environment. I don’t want my heart to disconnect from the thousands that  are being massacred and then going to hell.

So Jesus, for all of us that like to be in the know, let’s not forget that You have a plan. You love these people. Whatever it is that will ultimately come from such a heated political climate, help us to trust in your sovereignty and goodness in all of it.


Joel C. Rosenberg's Blog

isaiah17Over the past several years, I have been repeatedly asked whether the Bible speaks to the future of Syria. Pastors and other Christian leaders have asked. So have a number of U.S. leaders and those from other countries.

As the implosion of Syria accelerates, the question of what Bible prophecy says about the future of Syria is being asked more frequently. More and more media outlets are examining this question. During the horrific civil war that is underway there, more than 110,000 Syrians have been killed thus far, including, reportedly, through the use of chemical weapons in Damascus. More than two million Syrians have fled their country. Another five million more Syrians have been “internally displaced” — they have fled their homes and villages because of the brutal violence, but have not yet actually left their country. The country is steadily falling apart and there is a real question how in…

View original post 332 more words