Last night I went to see the premier of my brother’s film at the Little Rock Film Festival (the film was AMAZING by the way). As I was standing around, waiting to get into the theater I met a couple of older men. One was a very suspicious looking character with a long ZZ Top kinda beard, giant glasses and a baseball cap. When I asked him how he was doing he replied “well as good as you can expect an old fat man to be.” He made a living as a SAG member (Screen Actors Guild), as a guitar player and as a director and told me many wild stories about his time here on earth. Very interesting guy. His friend came and joined the conversation and he seemed much more “normal” and official. Apparently he was one the administrators of the Festival and got me in to see my brothers film for free (which, according to MovieMaker Magazine is one of the top 25 festivals in the world). This guy, whom we shall call Duke, was a film producer. I told him about my experiences trying to get into the industry as an actress… what I didn’t tell him is that the Lord pulled me out of the industry twice, just before I got signed with two major acting agencies (I was also in my mid-twenties then and much more in shape than I am now). Both times I had giant opportunities and both times the Lord moved me out of state before I could participate. Duke asked me what I was doing for a living currently and I explained to him that I was writer and did mostly freelance work. His eyes perked up then, and knowing my brother’s reputation (who is a full-time award-winning filmmaker and actor), instantly gave me his card and told me to call him.
At first I was really excited at this possible opportunity. I have been thinking about the possibility of using my gifts in this industry for some time now. But for some reason I was also very restless and had a hard time sleeping last night. I thought about how futile any type of business or creative endeavor is without Jesus in it somehow. Without perfect direction from the Holy Spirit, our hearts can get entwined with something that could potentially damage us. I felt heaviness even. And I wondered if this was really the direction I was suppose to go in. I saw the Lord’s hand offering me all kinds of goodies to choose from but what route was I suppose to take? Where was my heart at in all of this? I thought about how I want people to encounter Jesus. I want broken people to know the love of God. I thought about music and how alive I feel when I sing prophetically over the people of God. I thought about how I love to teach the things of God and to express His heart in unique ways. Would I be able to do all of these things? If I began acting again I would have to be careful of many many things… even about becoming obsessed with my body image again. If I acted or wrote for the film industry– because it is an industry full of darkness (let’s face it), I would have to be clearly led by the Holy Spirit with every endeavor I choose.
Life is such a tricky path. I don’t want to miss anything on the journey.