The title of Randy Bohlender’s recent article on Neue. This is some good stuff.
Filed under: Family, Healing, Prophetic Dreams, Spiritual Warfare, The Church
So I’m going through an inner healing program right now. It’s absolutely one of the most brutal experiences of my life. It’s funny how things are popping up that haven’t happened in literal years. People popping back into my life (briefly) who had previously caused a lot of pain, apologizing for the mistakes they’ve made. Family secrets that have been hidden for years being exposed and generational strongholds being revealed. It has been a lot to take in. In essence, I’ve been handling it by hiding. Finally, this weekend I decided to actually lean into Jesus rather than avoid Him. I’d been frustrated about not hearing from Him during this difficult time, but it was really mostly because I was too scared to let Him into certain aspects of my heart. So I spent much of the evening in the prayer room yesterday. This resulted in me finally having some dreams.
The first dream, I was at my childhood home in northern Wisconsin. My boss, Kristen Anderson was there and someone had stolen the security system out of her car. She called the “car company” to see if they could replace it but they wouldn’t so they had to tow her car away.
At first I thought the dream was about Kristen and was going to tell her I thought I might have had a prophetic dream about her but when I told the dream to my OTHER boss, Dale, she mentioned that the place that the dream was taking place in was very significant and the scene was the home of my childhood.
So I pieced the symbols together. Kristen, is my boss, so this speaks of authority. The car speaks of ministry, and my parents were both pastors. The security system was stolen from them. It all started to make sense. When I was around 11 or 12 there were some serious issues in our church. It’s sort of a long story but one of the major major disruptions was when my dad was accused of stealing $10,000 from our church. A huge split happened and there were rumors spread all over my small town about my family. In the end, the truth was found out and it involved a mistake of someone else in the church. My parents ended up staying at this church for another five years but that year caused a lot of insecurity issues with my parents. At the time of this happening, I was really tough about the whole situation. I don’t remember feeling a lot pain, but definitely felt a lot of anger towards the people that were treating my family in this manner. I’ve always felt, for some reason, that I needed to be strong for my mom. I think my mom suffered more than anyone else in the situation. My dad handled the situation as well but I think that I internalized a lot of the pain I felt and covered it with an appearance of resolve and indignation at the injustice. Without knowing it, I believe that this scenario caused a deep level of insecurity in me because of the shattering of outward security in my parent’s lives. I will write more at another time.
edit:
I will add another dream (or what I can remember of it). This one I really have no clue what it is talking about but I’m hoping that someone else gets it.
I had moved back in with my grandmother in Little Rock. In my dream, I had a room there ready for me. It was a room from my childhood and I had a lot of other things from my childhood in the room. However, when I went to move into the room a girl I hardly know, named Joelle was in my room playing guitar. Like I said, I barely know Joelle, but I looked up the meaning of her name and it means “be willing”. Anyway, I saw her and I went into another room next door to this room. It was like I was talking to her through the wall of the two rooms and I was saying that I should have brought my keyboard so that we could worship together.
So I kind of think it is the Lord calling me out to be willing to see the painful things from my childhood but to worship Him in the midst of it. Yikes! If anyone else gets more interpretation from it, let me know. I’m curious to hear your thoughts.
Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Maturity, Missions, Prayer, The Arts, The Church
So I had a dream awhile back.
It was shortly after I returned from England. It was very symbolic and I have been dissecting it for months and months when Jesus this weekend gave me some pretty interesting insight on it.
I was a nanny for Paul McCartney and Elizabeth Hurley (don’t laugh).
They were on their honeymoon and we were all together in Egypt.
We are all in a jeep and it is a really hot day.
They hand me their tiny newborn baby to take care of and I take it and walk down the streets of Egypt with it.
I wind up walking right into a city in England. I’m not sure if it was London or not but it was England.
I was on a street lined with shops and the baby is suddenly about 2 or 3 years old.
In this particular part of the city, they were having an art festival.
I went inside a store and it was full of classrooms where people were working on various art projects. I’m carrying this toddler around and we are inspecting all of the art projects.
At the end of the dream I see a closed door and I go to it, curious to see what is inside. When I open the door, my dream ends.
I’ve figured out that Egypt was here in Kansas City. This is my wilderness season. The baby is my vision for London. It was newborn at the time I had my dream. When the baby is older, I figured out this means that I will be in England around the time my vision is about 2 or 3 years old. So basically I’m sticking it out here for 2 or 3 years. Let me tell you… sometimes it sure feels like Egypt here.
What I didn’t understand for a long time was all of the artistic stuff. For one thing I’m carrying the baby of two English celebrities. McCartney, a musician and Hurley an actress. Then I end up in an art festival and then in a store full of classrooms with people working on various art projects.
I believe that when I entered the closed door that this was prayer and intercession. But what is all the rest of it?
Saturday, I woke up with a start. I suddenly realized what this meant… well in part anyway. There is a school in New York City called “The New School”. It’s a place where adults can go and take classes on various things. Anything from dance to history to writing to foreign languages.
If there is anything that that can get the humanistic culture in London to have an interest in the church (other than a sovereign move of the Holy Spirit, which is of course ideal) it’s the arts. My crazy, nutty plan is to eventually start something like “The New School” in London where teachers (who are secretly prophetic messengers) are interacting with adult students daily. In the back of the school somewhere I foresee a furnace of prayer and intercession for the city and small grassroots church plants sprouting in various homes around the city… or maybe just one big one. I don’t know exactly what it’s going to look like yet.
I know I sound like some kind of crazy idealist nutjob but I really think this might be Jesus. There’s no way I could come up with it on my own.
Filed under: Biblical love, Eternity, Finances, Friendship, Humility, Life in General, Sermon on the Mount, The Church
So this is what I get for trying to come to work. My van is now stuck at the bottom of the hill on Cleveland and I had to WALK the rest of the way home which is hazardous in itself.
Oh well. So I woke up in the middle of the night and heard the Lord clearly say “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven… for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”… Matthew 6:19-21. It was so clear and loud in my Spirit that it startled me a bit.
Last night, I had my first class of “Foundations of Healing the Heart” at FSM. We were asked to let the Holy Spirit examine our hearts and reveal hidden weaknesses. I have never thought that materialsm was one of my weaknesses. Yes, I like nice stuff just like every other girl in the universe but I never thought that it was out of control. Last night as I prayed that prayer, I didn’t think that “stuff” was an issue with me. But as I was thinking about it this morning, I realized that I do place too much value on all of my things when in reality… it’s all going to burn some day. None of it matters even though I think I place high value on it because it satisfies me temporarily or I think it gives me a higher level of social status.
This is not a Godly mindset. Several months ago, I was at FCF and I saw a group of FSM/FMA students. I felt like I was looking into the window of a high school, not a group of college-age students who are suppose to be practicing the Sermon on the Mount. Some really trendy, cute girls were sitting. They were clad in their urban outfitters ware and had cute, indie-rock haircuts. A couple of other girls came up to them and appeared to be attempting to have a conversation with the trendy girls. The new girls were dressed in what the world would consider a little dowdy and generic-looking. They might have also possibly seemed a little socially inept but that’s really not the point either. The trendy girls (that’s what I will call them in this context) simply rolled their eyes at eachother and then moved to another side of FSM where they wouldn’t have to sit next to the less-than-cool girls.
WHAT THE CRAP. This actually caused pain to rise up in my heart as I watched it happen. This has been an issue my prayer room team has been discussing a lot. Yes, we may study the Sermon on the Mount a lot here but I think there’s one verse that we fail to remember to actually practice “you ought to treat others how you yourselves would like to be treated.” Compassion. Sincerity. We are the body of Christ… this is not a popularity contest… this is the kingdom of God. Let’s get over ourselves… please.
The issue I see with myself is this… I really am just like these girls in some ways. I equate my own appearance and possessions with high social status when Jesus equates the purity of my heart, meekness, and humility with high status. We can talk all day long about how much we know about the Word and how we should be practicing the sermon on the mount but if we really aren’t practicing the second commandment ALONG with the first then it’s really completely POINTLESS to have knowledge about any of it.
Filed under: Biblical love, Forgiveness, Friendship, IHOP Operations, Life in General, Maturity, Sin, The Church, Worship
1. You know what is the single most annoying thing in the world to me? Passive-aggressive behavior. I absolutely LOATHE it. I hate when someone is having a conversation in my proximity and intentionally saying things because they know it is insulting to me. This happens quite often with a particular person that I know and it is totally perplexing to me. The problem is, I have no idea how to confront them about it. It’s impossible to confront a passive-aggressive person because they aren’t obvious enough to confront… which is why they are passive-aggressive in the first place. They still have the same attitude of heart that a confrontational person has, but a PA person knows that if they were obvious, they would get confronted about it. They’d rather stew in their own unforgiveness than go to the person they are upset with and make wrong things right. I’m not a confrontational person but when someone pushes my buttons, I will take them aside and tell them how they have wronged me. I think people are confused by me because passive-aggression is so common now a days. I think people assume that when I am quiet and don’t talk a lot that I am being PA but in reality, I’m just an introvert and sometimes I really really just don’t feel like talking to anyone. Don’t take it personally.
On one hand, the Bible tells us to rebuke our brother or sister who sins against us and if they repent, forgive them… which I normally don’t have a problem with. I have been rebuked before and it hurts, yes, but I’ve learned that it’s a pretty necessary part of growth. So rebuke me already! If you’re trying to hint at all of my problems in a passive-aggressive way… trust me, I know I have problems. This is not new news to me. If I’m starting to make you mad or I have hurt your feelings, than tell me for crying out loud but my problems, my personality flaws, my “issues” are really between the Lord and I. He is the only one that knows the motives and intentions of my heart. I have no problem letting someone know when they have wronged me. We are all a family, the body of Christ, so in order for us to grow as a family, it’s important for us to be honest and open with each-other. Passive-aggressiveness is NOT a Godly behaviour.
2. I am seriously so tired today which is probably due to the massive amounts of irritableness that I am feeling at the moment. I was suppose to be at work today at 9 but instead came in at 10 because I decided to take a jog at midnight last night, then come back home and do sit-ups and lift weights. I really just wanted to play music but this is not conducive to living with three other people. I was restless and honestly… I just really love the night… much to sorrow of my poor body right now. Did you know that facial spasms are due to lack of sleep combined with caffeine. So whenever you have an eye-twitch, before you freak out and think you are having a stroke… just get some sleep, dude.
3. I am singing for the first time at the JPR tomorrow morning. I’m pretty excited about it. Yeah.
4. Onething is coming up in a few weeks! It is my first Onething on staff and though I know I will probably feel like I’m going to die towards the end of it, I’m actually stoked.
Filed under: Bible Study, Biblical love, Dating, Friendship, Jesus Loves Me, Marriage, Maturity, The Church
As I said in an earlier post, I’m going to be doing my own study on the correlation between Jesus as our Bridegroom and human marriage. I realize marriage is an unpopular subject here. It’s not looked at as bad but just… unpopular in some respects. Celibacy has gotten to be a trend at IHOP and in my opinion probably a little more trendy than it should be. Though it is honorable to be celibate, to set yourself apart for the Lord, it’s also healthy to recognize how beautiful the covenant of marriage is and what it represents. There needs to be this balance of being celibate because you have too much fear of rejection and being overly-obsessed with getting married.
I have, unfortunately, had a sour attitude about the whole institution of marriage for awhile now. I remember in one of my early PR teams discussing this subject. One of the “moms” in our group said that she was going to put me on the list for her prayer group. Her group apparently prays for all of the singles at IHOP, that they would find the right spouse. I rolled my eyes (very rudely, I realize), and replied with “I don’t need no stinkin’ man”. Everyone in the room stared at me with gaping mouths and then KJ replied with “yes you do!”
Now being single is not a bad thing. I definitely feel like I could make it on my own for the rest of my life, if I needed to. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility and it is sort of a painful place where all of your weaknesses are exposed. It’s hard to hide inadequacies from your spouse and it is inevitable that you will HAVE to be vulnerable continually. I personally like to have all of my time to myself. I like to spend my money in ways that I enjoy and not having to answer to anyone else (other than Jesus, of course). You can serve the church and the lost more than you would if you were married. You are able to build healthy friendships and relationships with people that you wouldn’t ordinarily have. Being single has a lot of amazing advantages so why the heck would I get married? Well, I plan to have this question answered, the more I continue in this study.
“23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Ephesians 5:23-25 (TNIV)
This verse use to make me really mad until I heard Stuart Greaves comment on it while I was in Fire in the Night. He said, “submission is just letting your husband love you.”. Dang, that’s good. Submission isn’t something we should fear but it’s something we should embrace… it gives us an oppurtunity to be loved more. Why didn’t I think of that? This virtually elimates much of the fear that I’ve had over marriage, itself. I’m a strong woman and God created me this way. I don’t want to lose who I am as a woman just because of marriage.
Something else that has been really stirring me from this verse is that if you look at it… Jesus is our standard here, ladies. I think one of the reasons I’ve had such a bad attitude towards this is the fact that I have set low standards for myself and have set myself up for some very ungodly behavior from men. We should be looking for guys that closely resemble Jesus but at the same time strive to resemble Jesus ourselves. It’s such an amazing concept to me. We should be choosing meek, merciful, patient, passionate and powerful men and realize that they might make mistakes some times and this is when we have to mirror Jesus by being merciful and patient.
I don’t know all the reasons for God creating marriage but the overwhelming theme I continue to observe is that God created romantic love and marriage as symbol of his jealous, passionate, persistant covenant of love with us. It’s a very holy thing and something that should not be taken lightly. Our spouses (if we are suppose to get married) should be chosen with wisdom and we should be patient for God’s perfect timing in everything. And because we are the bride of Christ as well… we should know that He would want us to be treated with honor and dignity and to not settle for anything less than what He desires for us.
Filed under: Friendship, Intimacy with God, Maturity, Missions, The Church
I leave England tomorrow morning!! It’s so sad… I can’t believe it! I’m taking a train back to London tonight, and then leaving bright and early in the morning. By the way…. I still need a ride from the airport if anyone cares to help me out… my flight comes in at 2:08 pm. Just e-mail me at brooketurner@ihop.org if you can help me out. I’m getting a bit desperate about that.
The last few days have been bittersweet. Joshua scrambled some eggs for me one morning and this morning Esther made me real English porridge with golden syrup…. mmmmm….
Friday we went body-boarding in the ocean. I wore a wetsuit for the first time because swimming in the ocean in England is not exactly the most comfortable thing in the world. Saturday morning we went to celebrate Yom Kippur at a tiny Messianic congregation in Plymouth. It was really interesting to see how they incorporate the Jewish customs with the truth of Jesus Christ. Then we walked around Plymouth. I was able to see where the Mayflower voyage was sent out. It’s a very lovely city. All of England is lovely, really.
Last night, Tubestation, the local church here in Polzeath, had their first 24 hour prayer meeting. Many young people travelled from various places to be a part of it. I felt like it was a very significant time for the area. They invited me to pray for those that needed personal prayer and wanted to start things fresh. It was really moving to see how hungry so many of these youth are to really encounter God. They were almost overwhelmingly hungry to know Jesus and be used by Him.
The Lord has been calling me into a unique season for awhile now and so I’m preparing to make a few changes as I come back to IHOP. I am feeling a lot of urgency to really be alone with God in the secret place. I’ve been feeling His jealousy over me to get alone and know His voice. I know that if I don’t respond to the impressions that I am feeling with Him about my life, that I could miss out on a lot. If I hadn’t responded to the impressions the Lord was speaking to me about coming to England than I would not have felt settled at all. I feel so much peace about my being here. God has spoken to me so much on this trip and I’ve been able to speak the word of the Lord freely, as difficult and challenging as it has been at times.
Time for a whole new journey. Scary!
Filed under: Biblical love, Family, Friendship, House of Prayer, Intercession, Missions, Revival, The Church
Polzeath is much slower paced than London but in a good way. As the Combrinks suggested, I was “gallavanting all over London”. I loved to take the tube (or subway) all over the city and walked from street to street observing the people and history yet at the same time being in solitude and keeping to myself. I am an explorer at heart and am secretly, intensely spontaneous and maybe a bit of an enigma.
But here in Polzeath it’s much different. The scenery is the complete opposite. The surfers and villagers are more of the “chill” type, far different from the fast-paced and often uptight lives of the city folk. And here it seems that I am much more surrounded by people. It is wonderful feeling like I am a part of a family again… that I am connected to a group of people. I’m finding it surprising that I can’t think of anyone that I have been so connected to at IHOP that I actually miss them. The Farnham’s are such an inclusive, loving family. The kids are hilarious and I wish that I could post some of the silly pictures we’ve taken together. It’s been actually quite healing for me being around people that I know accept me and care about what goes on in my life. I have to say that this is one thing about IHOP that often disappoints me.
Yesterday, Paul, Shirley and I climbed the moors that overlook the ocean. It was the most beautiful scenery that I have ever viewed before. We climbed to the highest height in Cornish country and prayed over the land. I can’t even describe in words how lovely it was. We even spied some wild ponies that were grazing on the side of the hill.
Later last evening we joined with a couple named Chris and Ness who came for dinner. They are surfers who run the Tubestation church here in Polzeath and are an amazing couple. It was really exciting for all of us to really share our burden for harp and bowl here in Cornwall and the transformation that is really possible because of corporate prayer but ENJOYABLE prayer (something that I don’t think many people understand around here).
