Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Healing, Intimacy with God, Jesus Loves Me, Prayer, Prophetic Dreams, Thankfulness, The Cross
I feel as though I’ve been buried under rubble all of my life and in the last couple of weeks hope has come and lifted off of me the weight of the world and the even greater wait of hopelessness that has been the tiger on my back all of my life. Part of this lifting began as I hid myself in the secret place; a dark bedroom with a dim lamp, a few candles and the Holy Spirit. Instead of repeating to myself over and over (like I have my entire life) “you’re so stupid”, “you’re worthless” , “you can’t do anything right”, “you’re ugly” and even the weird conundrum of “all you are is a pretty face”… I’m actually praying scripture… truth about who God is… that He is kind, patient, mighty to save, good, generous, attentive, caring and loving. I’ve been praying scriptures about who I am to Him with truth such as “His delight”, “separated and kept”, “dark but lovely”, “the object of His desire”, “belonging to Him”, “recipient of His loving devotion”, “the joy set before Him”, “the apple of His eye”, His special treasure”.
I use to have doubts that tongue held so much power as James 3 speaks about but it really does. Speaking forth truth to a precious God who is attentive and loves hearing our voices does wonders for identity issues. And when we speak these things out and wait to hear His observations on this truth… that’s when He comes. This is when He makes His love known and whispers mysteries that shift things in our hearts. For the first time in my life I’ve been able to separate the truths from the lies as He speaks to me about how He is making me strong. He speaks to me about His great passion to make tragedies into something profoundly breathtaking and glorious and He does not withhold this from anyone who comes to Him in faith. NOT FROM ANYONE (even from me). He loves the great exchange of His life and love for our pain and despair. And He loves weaving it into an ornate tapestry of the charecter of God and His tenderness and kindness and compassion toward human beings.
To end I will share a rather tender dream that I have been holding onto for awhile. In it, I was standing in the back bookstore office talking to a friend and co-worker. There were other people in the room which gave it a “public” feel (which I realized now represents the prayer room). She was rebuking me for speaking rudely and unkindly to someone she loved. In that moment I felt the grief of having caused someone else pain. I repented for my behaviour and became frustrated with myself. I began telling my friend that I was so sorry and explained to her various things that had happened in my childhood and how I still sometimes act out of that deep pain. She started walking out of the room and beckoned me to come follow her. We walked into a hidden storage area (that actually does not exist in reality). She turned around to get something behind her and when she stood to face me again, I could see tears running down her face. She was weeping for me. I could see the compassion in her eyes as she understood and knew the things that I had experienced. She felt my pain. In her hands were a pair of pants and on top of them was my Bible. The dream ended.
I woke up wondering at first what in the world the pants were for. What did all of this mean? As I met her (representing the Holy Spirit) in the secret place she was covering my shame… with TRUTH. I was seeing the Holy Spirit’s compassion over my life and identifying with it in a deep way. Yes… He is wild and untamed but He’s also gentle and tender with our hearts. He “knows we are but dust”. He’s been there and experienced pain much more profoundly than anything we have experienced.
Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Fasting, Maturity, Missions, Prophecy, Prophetic Dreams, Thankfulness
Last summer I was given a word that I had my finger on a particular country and that the Lord would be sending me there. She said she saw Jesus and He had this sheath at His side, where you would normally put a sword. She saw me inside the sheath and that it represented IHOP and that the Lord had me hanging out here until He was ready to draw me out.
Last night, day six of the fast I was in the prayer room late at around 11pm. I had been pacing most of the night, feeling the Lord wanting to speak to me about something while feeling a little bit antsy. I sat down and almost immediately felt the weight of the Spirit on me. I then had a vision of a man standing and at His side was a sword and he drew the sword out and held it in the air. The Lord then spoke to me and said “I keep my promises.” I knew I would be leaving IHOP in the somewhat near future. The time was drawing close.
I whipped out of that chair like a firecracker. I’m so not ready to leave this place. Jesus I’m scared! But as I calmed down I knew it was still at least a year off. I already have an idea of what the next assignment is that the Lord has me on. I believe it is one of two options that I have had rolling around in my head for awhile. I’m not ready to reveal those options yet. These two options have to do with a series of prophetic dreams the Lord has given me over this past year.
I know that IHOP is my wilderness season and that is what I am here for. To meet God in the wilderness and be made whole and perfected in love. This fast in particular is crucial to the places God is taking me to. I am so grateful for His perfect leadership in my life.
Filed under: Friendship, Intimacy with God, Jesus, Jesus Loves Me, Maturity, Thankfulness, Wisdom
“Therefore I will block her paths with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.’” Hosea 2:2-7
I had a long conversation with an old friend last night. I was so encouraged to hear about the process she was in with the Lord because I saw myself two years ago in the same process (that is still continuing, by the way). It reminded me of the goodness of God in my life. It reminded me of His perfect, loving leadership and His jealous pursuit of my heart. I see the same things happening to her that happened to me. He is walling her in, hedging her in with thorns, teaching her wisdom. He’s putting road blocks up time after time so that He can take away everything that keeps her from falling in love with Him and hinders full maturity in her life. It is obvious that the Lord’s hand is on her life.
During the entire couple hours of conversation it reminded me time and again why I left everything, my friends, my church, and yes, boyfriends to follow Him. He’s just that wonderful, even more wonderful than I understand.
Filed under: Bible Study, Life in General, Prophetic Dreams, Thankfulness
So I’m finding that Little Rock has improved quite a bit. It isen’t the gang-banging dirty city that it was ten years ago, that’s for sure. I had lunch with my dad today at a little pizza place on the River Market. We had a pretty intense conversation and he told me some surprising news. I was sort of expecting it and sort of happy about it but also… just a bit uneasy. I guess I just wish things could be how they use to be but I have learned by now that change is a part of maturity and healing. It has to happen.
By the way… I LOVE this!
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded. [c]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:7-19
God is my defender and my judge. This gives me an overwhelming mixture of both comfort and fear. He is the only one that knows my heart (even when I don’t know my own heart!) and I can trust that He will come to my defense when the timing is right.
Filed under: Family, Forgiveness, Healing, Intimacy with God, Jesus Loves Me, Life in General, Thankfulness
I went to the Bee Movie with a friend this afternoon. It was stinking cute and very funny. I’m not huge on animated films but I have to say that this was pretty amusing.
I have something big that may be happening in my life tomorrow. If Jesus wants it and the timing is right, then everything will turn out fine.
I’m traveling to Little Rock, Arkansas this week to see my family for Thanksgiving. I moved to Little Rock from Wisconsin when I was a Senior in high school. Sounds horrible right? RIGHT. It was. I don’t really care for traveling to that city but I pray for it because it desperately needs prayer. Other than this statement I will refrain from further negative statements about the city itself. After I moved to Dallas, I hated going back to Little Rock because I couldn’t stand confronting my past. Now, I’m beginning to find it a bit easier. I’m thrilled about seeing my family… and my dog 
. I’m reminding myself that God has redeemed my past and has made me a new person and has even molded me through my difficult experiences. Just this week, I was able to minister to a woman who came into the prayer room off the streets. Probably very few people in the prayer room were able to relate to her like I was because of the things that I have been through. Little Rock is now becoming a symbol of God’s absolutely relentless love for me. A reminder that He won’t give up on me. Ahhhhhh! It’s so awesome!
Filed under: Thankfulness
Mini-Vans can hold more people than most normal vehicles, correct? That’s right (good job!). My van, can hold up to 7 people. This is awesome, why? Well, because when people need a ride, I can give it to them.
I can rescue them from the tedium that is found in long shuttle lines outside of the FSM building. I remember those days. Sitting there in freezing cold/blistering hot weather, wanting to shoot myself because I was so miserable.
Last weekend I rescued 6 international women. I remember how grateful I felt every time someone gave me a ride and heck yes, I want to make other people feel the same way.
By the way, if you see someone that you know is from IHOP walking down the rode in the pouring rain, please pick them up and give them a ride because it’s just freaking lame if you don’t. And if you know someone who doesn’t have a car and needs to go to the grocery store, be gracious and ask if they need to come along.
It’s called practicing the sermon on the mount, dudes. Seriously.
I had a huge surprise yesterday when I received an e-mail from some friends notifying me that they would be giving me a car! Not only a car but an ultra-cool mini-van. I am overwhelmed with gratefulness because a car is much needed right now. There is no bus transportation anywhere around IHOP and so it is extremely inconvenient to not have a car. Now, I know what you’re thinking: but Brooke, a mini-van is kind of soccer mom. WRONG! A mini-van is cool for the following reasons:
1. It will get me places that I need to go aka, the bank, grocery store, missions base (so I don’t have to walk by myself at 11 pm at night).
2. You can put band stickers all over the bumper and people will think you’re in a band. Seriously.
3. Room for shopping at IKEA.
4. Room for lots of friends (that is if I had lots of friends).
5. CAMPING that doesn’t involve tents that are uncomfortable and rain inside.
I think I have proved my point.
It is an interesting thing receiving a gift this extravagant. It sort of leaves me a little speechless and ackward and this feeling that it is totally undeserved for the amount of complaining I’ve been doing but WOW am I ever thankful for something so wonderful.
Filed under: Healing, House of Prayer, Intimacy with God, Jesus, Jesus Loves Me, Joel's Army, Thankfulness
It’s has been hard to remain emotionally objective the last couple of days… moreso tonight than any other night.. which is one of the excuses for not writing on my blog the last couple of days. I wish I could spill my guts right now but I don’t think I could put into words the things that have been going on during this track of STI, not only in the hearts of the teens but in my own heart. I think God started something huge tonight in my life. I knew it was going to happen while I was in STI. I knew that I was in this program for a reason.
The one thing I can say openly is that I know that Jesus is with me this very moment. I know and have seen that He has been walking right by my side the last couple of days, though He’s insisting that He’s been there for years and I just didn’t realize it.
Amen. God is good.
Filed under: Biblical love, Finances, Friendship, Grace, Intimacy with God, Jesus, Jesus Loves Me, Prophecy, Prophetic Dreams, Thankfulness
You know that weird dream I had awhile back about Mike Bickle taking all of my stuff? I figured out that that was just my fearful subconscious thinking Jesus wanted to rob me. After talking to one of the moms here, and her explaining that Jesus didn’t want to take my stuff but in fact wants to give me more… I was incredulous. Why would He want to give me more? Maybe it’s because He really does love me! I finally get it, I think. He loves me… a lot. Sometimes He disciplines those He loves or maybe sometimes He’s teaching them new things or making them stronger but sometimes He just wants to bless us and shower all kinds of affections on us. I can’t help but hold back tears as I write this.
After all that I have pressed through. After all of my questions and no answers back. After the pain of complete silence and my heart’s persistance and even though I didn’t understand…. He was there in all of it. Even though I don’t know how this deserves a reward, He’s rewarding me.
I had a REAL prophetic dream during FITN where Jesus was washing my feet… and I had hairy legs and He didn’t even notice them. Since then I’ve had word after word that the Lord’s tenderness is upon me and that He wants to “wash my feet” and that I’m in a season of seeing God’s goodness.
Thank you, Jesus for the other unexpected check that I got in the mail today to pay for my passport (I asked Him for it yesterday).
Thank you for the free massage.
And the free pack of gum.
And wonderful friends.
And your presence that you so gracefully lavish on me.
And your friendship. The fact that I get to know You every day amazes me.
What a wonderful Maker.
