I have recently been given the opportunity to receive FREE books and write reviews on them in my blog. I can’t pass up a free book and am excited that my book shelf is already crammed full enough for me to have to buy a SECOND shelf. So in the days to come, please expect some insightful views on various pieces of literature.
As for my actual life, well, I’m learning to keep most secrets between Holy Spirit and myself. Now and then, I will have a dream that I think is relevant enough for my audience to read about but for the most part they were given mainly for my own learning/rebuke/warning/edification.
I’ve started on the prophecy teams again. This time, I am opting for the Thursday afternoon team. I enjoyed the evening team on Thursday nights but have decided to reserve late nights for my private time with the Lord. I am very pleased with the leadership over this team. Esther Myung, the team leader, has exceptional leadership skills. She is compassionate, humble, caring, and gentle with correction. I think she is the perfect leader for me in this season of my life.
There is a dream that I’ve had in the last week that the Lord has been giving me some insight into but I want to be very careful in how I word the dream… so it may be a few days before I get to it.
Thursday, at work, I began feeling feverish and achey. My throat felt like it was on fire and well life was not fun anymore. Let’s just put it that way. So I took Alicia to a meeting at FSM at 3 and drove directly to CVS where I bought a thermometer, took my tempurature and found out I had a temp of a 102. 102 is not deadly or anything but it definitely makes things uncomfortable. I hadn’t been this sick since I first came to IHOP almost 3 years ago. I went to the Minute Clinic on State Line as early as possible the next morning where I was told I had both a sinus infection and some kind of virus. I’ve been laying in bed for three days, drinking water and taking anti-biotics, and well 3 other kinds of medication… and I still feel like crap AND my fever won’t go away. I missed work on Friday, class with Shelley on Friday and Hope training with Bob Hartley on Saturday. I remember the days when I wished I was sick so I could miss school. What the heck was I thinking???
I can’t complain too much though. If anything, being sick forces me to talk to Jesus.. about anything and everything. As of now, I’m borrowing my roommates laptop because I no longer have my own. I mean, really, what else could I possibly do when my eyes are burning from fever and I can’t look at a television screen or even read a book (though this has improved significantly today).
I have been learning in the last few weeks that God has had a case of mistaken identity in my life. God is truly a rejoicing, glad, affectionate presence in my life. It is not my works or my abilities or even my lack thereof that measures my holiness… it is where I am in proximity to the throne of God. This is what makes me holy. The closer I am to Jesus and the more I open my heart to Him… even the ugly areas… and allow the Cross to be the ramp into the Holy of Holies, the less I rely on my own abilities to change myself. The result is a confidence before God of His goodness and grace. A confidence that is not of myself but comes through Holy Spirit.
I plan on getting into this with more depth later when my thoughts are a bit more cohesive.
Filed under: Life in General
Money has been pretty tight the last couple of months and it seems that I have all kinds of extra expenses avalanching into one big disaster. Trusting Jesus is pretty much the only answer to this issue since He won’t allow me to get a job outside of IHOP. I’m not quite sure when my breaks will completley fall out of my car and something else has been recently making a lot of rattling noise in my mini-van. I had an unfortunate fender-bender last month and somehow I have to come up with an extra $1,000. Not only this but I have to dish out 285 dollars for Living Waters and well… the usual bills and expenses that are just killing me.
So I came up with an idea. I’m going to replace my own brake rotors. We did it during World War II, why shouldn’t we be able to fix stuff in 2008?
www.yearbookyourself.com is the greatest piece of internet ingenuity in history… literally.
I have had way too much fun with this today.
Filed under: Life in General
Of Missouri that is.
Got off plane last night. Went to rent car but found out we went to the wrong rental place. However, now I get to drive a black PT Cruiser. Woo!
Went to this cute little Italian neighborhood in St. Louis and ate at a quaint pizzeria called "Guidos". It happened to be the same "hood" that Yogi Berra, the famous early Yankees catcher grew up in. I’ve never seen so many statues of Mary in my life. It was like an outdoor relic museum.
Drove to Camp Allen about 2 hours south. Were a little late to be able to set up before service. I thought it had been the first time to be at Bible Camp in twelve years but came to realize that I had been at that exact camp about 5 or 6 years ago… and again I was with the worship team then. Don’t ask. Long story.
Had to break up a few inappropriate situations with teenagers. That’s always fun.
Drove to our hotel in Piedmont at around midnight only to see a blacked out front office and a sign that read "office opens at 8:30am". What hotel doesn’t stay open all night? Hotels in Piedmont, MO I suppose. Had to drive another hour to Farmington and sat at the counter forever waiting for this guy to finish whatever he was doing on the computer. He was nice… but I was tired.
Now I shall go workout in the state-of-the-art excercise room. Too much sitting down yesterday and far too much Italian food.
Sometimes I wonder if I should be like Lou and just chill at IHOP 24/7. During fasts I sort of feel like I live here. I never get to see my apartment. Today Dale thought I was moving in. I had 3 bags containing my laptop, two kinds of juices and an exorbitant amount of books including two different Bible translations.
I was having dinner with my very extroverted roommate a few years ago and she was chatting on and on when a phrase came from her mouth that was something like: “and she just doesn’t really hang out with anyone very often. I don’t think that’s healthy.” This comment resulted in a fun-loving discussion about personality traits and why some seem to be acceptable and some don’t. When I was traveling around Florida a few weeks ago, I was explaining to my girlfriends in the car that I love to spend time by myself. Heather was shocked and responded with a “Brooke! I feel so sorry for you!” Maybe there are times when it could be called isolation but I feel peace when I’m alone. I gain energy in this way. Without it, I sometimes think that I will go mad. Introverts make up only 25% of the population. We like to call the other 75% of the extroverted population “the mob”. It’s not unhealthy to be an introvert. It’s the way in which some people are wired. Below I have listed a few misconceptions about those with an introverted personality.
1. The most annoying misconception is that introverts are slow-witted… or well, dumb. In The Introvert Advantage Dr. Marti Olsen Laney explains that introverts are often labeled “slow” because they need to process their answers internally before they are able to share them with those who have questions for them. Introverts tend to have a lot of depth because they think about things thoroughly. When they don’t answer right away, extroverts often misconstrue this as the introvert being slow or even intentionally withholding information from the seeker. Often their “thinking” doesn’t register on their faces. They may just have a blank, dumbfounded expression, however, don’t jump to conclusions about this. There is a lot of data running through their brains. I’ve seen moments like this with Stuart Greaves, one of our leaders here at IHOP, who is a self-proclaimed introvert. Even in moments when Stuart is teaching he will sometimes pause for what seems like quite a long time. It is because he is processing his information before he speaks it on the platform.
2. Introverts are not necessarily antisocial. I love people. I like to hang out with close friends. Introverts tend to have a select group of tight-knit friends rather than a plethera of aquaintences like extroverts do. However, large groups of people freak us out. Not because we have some kind of weird paranoia but because we know that when there is a lot of people, it will result in us becoming very… very tired. Our temperments can only handle lots of people for a small amount of time before we feel like we might drop dead. Introverts can be very chatty… almost too chatty at times when they know a lot about the subjects they are speaking on, however, we need to learn to pace ourselves before we become over-stimulated. Oftentimes this results in our brains shutting down, foggy memories, and crankiness.
3. Introverts are not selfish (though we can be, just like anyone else). In fact, in order for us to be self-LESS we need that time alone to re-charge so that we are able to give from our hearts. Henri Nouwen speaks about this in Clowning in Rome. In order to live in a community and give of our lives, we need to have that solitary communion with God. This is where we develop the heart of Jesus to be able to love and serve those around us.
Sorry to make this post even longer than it is but I suppose I have been thinking about this lately because of a situation that I am finding myself in at the moment. I had yet another sleepless night last night. It was a night of wrestling with God to work out maturity in areas of my life. Though this is my personality, and I may be wired a bit differently than many people, I must realize that my life is not my own. When my life is not my own, then my time is not my own either, regardless of personality type. He doesn’t owe me anything. Because there is no way out of me missing half of the 40 day fast at IHOP, due to current managerial issues, I have to believe that there is something much deeper that the Lord is teaching me at the moment. My initial reaction is to whine, complain, and stomp my feet in aggravation but at some point I have to come to the realization that the kingdom is coming and if I am helping in any way (though in a very tiny way) to partner with the purposes of God on earth, than so be it. This is where the Lord has me for the time being and until He gives me the go-ahead, this is where I’m going to stay.
I am having an extremely awkward morning. My morning actually started with my last night. I couldn’t sleep. All night I was tossing and turning, panicking over the fact that I feel that the Lord wants me to join a fasting team.
I hate fasting… yet I also love it… yet I still don’t want to do it… yet I kind of do at the same time. I guess more than anything, I have a fear of failure. Story of my life. You can’t really FAIL at fasting but I want to be good at it so that I can grow and mature and have a heart alive in God. And I know that if none of these things are happening, than life is completely pointless. I guess that’s what fasting teams are about. To encourage each-other as we press in deeper.
The next most awkward thing that has happened this morning is that I somehow misplaced my make-up bag. I think I may have left it in a certain bathroom on the base. It’s hot pink, if anyone sees it. Maybe I’m over-spiritualizing things but it could be that the Lord might be using this scenario to do other things in my heart. I just feel weird without my make-up but I know I shouldn’t. Deep, I know.
The third most awkward thing is the awkwardness I felt in the coffee shop today. Leaders are scary. They’re just scary and I can’t figure out why. I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just as guilty as they are so why do I always feel weird around them? I need to discuss with Mandy why I probably need inner healing because of the obvious awkwardness with leaders… just writing this makes me feel awkward.
Okay… enough of the awkwardness.
