I have recently been given the opportunity to receive FREE books and write reviews on them in my blog. I can’t pass up a free book and am excited that my book shelf is already crammed full enough for me to have to buy a SECOND shelf. So in the days to come, please expect some insightful views on various pieces of literature.
As for my actual life, well, I’m learning to keep most secrets between Holy Spirit and myself. Now and then, I will have a dream that I think is relevant enough for my audience to read about but for the most part they were given mainly for my own learning/rebuke/warning/edification.
I’ve started on the prophecy teams again. This time, I am opting for the Thursday afternoon team. I enjoyed the evening team on Thursday nights but have decided to reserve late nights for my private time with the Lord. I am very pleased with the leadership over this team. Esther Myung, the team leader, has exceptional leadership skills. She is compassionate, humble, caring, and gentle with correction. I think she is the perfect leader for me in this season of my life.
There is a dream that I’ve had in the last week that the Lord has been giving me some insight into but I want to be very careful in how I word the dream… so it may be a few days before I get to it.
About five years ago I stumbled into a church in downtown Dallas. I thought I would be able to hide in the back of the church, believing that no one would take notice of the “new girl”. I was a broken woman seeking to regain some semblance of peace that I once had earlier in my life. I happened to be wrong about the hiding part. Several women quickly approached me and made sure that I wasn’t lost in the crowd that in most churches would slip out unnoticed. I received phone calls during the week inviting me on shopping excursions and always had a listening ear whenever I was dealing with heart issues. Transparent, safe community changed my life. If it hadn’t been for that church and the absolute sovereignty combined with the mercy of God in my life I would probably still be in total rebellion.
I thought about this as I was sitting in the prayer room during the 10am set this morning. A young woman was sitting next to me and made a comment that we both had the same shoes on (a likely conversation starter for two women in their twenties). I laughed but quickly turned back to my Oh-so-isolated intercession. Finally, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to ask the girl (yes, I asked her, despite the no talking policy) if she was new to IHOP. She smiled shyly and answered that she had moved here a month ago. We had a casual conversation and I asked her about her life here thus far. I was about to leave when, without thinking I grabbed a business card out of my wallet and handed it to her and said “we should get coffee sometime”. Yes… this may sound a little ackward to some since I had literally a three minute conversation with her but I saw a huge sense of relief and gratefulness register on her face.
I think it’s important that people don’t come to IHOP right off the streets or move into this community as a new member without us acknowledging they exist. And in that we need to remember to practice not only the sermon on the mount but cultivate the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness and self-control) in order for us to be a safe community to those that are broken we need to emanate these things in our lives. Yes, it takes a little bit humility and vulnerability but we can be such a blessing to people that are suffering from loneliness and rejection.
Filed under: Fear of the Lord, Forgiveness, Healing, Humility, Leadership, Maturity, Prophetic Dreams
Recent discoveries have pointed out some major concerns in the body of Christ. There has been an extreme lack of accountability and transparency among (many) of our leaders. I appreciate Mike holding the line for us and for himself in such a mature, grounded manner. I have to say that though I know the wisdom in being transparent and confessing my sins to my most trusted comrades, I have experienced the absolute unwillingness to share my deepest, darkest secrets. It is a painful thing to share with other people your imperfections and weaknesses. Ugggghhh… just thinking about it gives me a weak stomach.
I had a dream last night that has been disturbing me all morning. I dreamed that I was in a house and was about to babysit some children. I knew that the parents were somewhere around but they weren’t visible. A teenage girl was at the house and she was sort of taking the role of the parent. She was obviously very immature. Her behavior was haughty and prideful and she was just really annoying me. What annoyed me more was that she was telling me what to do. Instead of saying anything about the kids I was suppose to be watching, she directed me to the filthy house and told me where I should start cleaning and picking up. The entire time, I saw nothing of the kids. I remember being infuriated that that little punk was telling me what to do.
The next part of the dream, a woman from IHOP came over. This is a middle-aged lady on the base that I have never actually had a conversation with but she seems like a really great lady. She prays on the mic and seems super mature, humble and Christ-like. She came over to visit while I was “babysitting”. As she was sitting across from me she started sharing about how she was able to have dinner with Bill Johnson and picked him up from the airport and was able to really connect with him and see all these amazing signs and wonders. I felt envious of her for getting to do all these fun, amazing things with such a mature leader in the body of Christ. That’s all that I remember from the dream.
To put it mildly, basically the dream was massively exposing some deep issues that have been plaguing me for awhile now. I have had some interesting encounters with some young leaders here who I have labeled as very immature in their dealings with others… and myself. This actually might be true. They probably are immature and of course they are in process as the rest of us are at growing and maturing in Christ-like character. I’m realizing that my problem isn’t just that I think these people are immature and have no right to say anything about my own messes, but just that I don’t want to deal with the mess. I don’t want to bother with it but instead of dealing with it, I’m just highlighting the weaknesses of the leader to avoid the agony of allowing the Spirit of God to clean me up… and maybe I just don’t want to be cleaned up. Maybe I just want to cling to my “filthiness” because I like it. HOW TERRIBLE! The thought that I might actually be like this is scaring me but forcing me to really examine the state of my heart.
The second part of my dream is dealing with my own immaturity. Sure, I would love to work alongside a great, humble man of God who knows how to lead in a mature way, but I the Lord was showing me that it’s not the quality of leadership in my case, it’s a matter of willingness to have a teachable spirit and submit to not only leadership but the conviction of the Holy Spirit in my life.
This is probably one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had in my life. Worst as in, now that I’ve had this dream, I can’t help but realize that really, the ball is in my court and I actually HAVE to do something about it. Aaaaahhhhh!!!
Ok… so if praying with the IHOP family in an air-conditioned room while webstreaming The Call DC wasn’t cool enough… nothing cut the cake like Mike’s dance during Eddie’s set. What in the world?! Mike Bickle never ceases to amaze me. Now, no one can argue that Mike really does have a heart like David… not that dancing like a maniac across a stage in front of the entire world constitutes being a man after God’s own heart but I have to say that this was the icing on the cake next to Mike’s other amazing leadership qualities. I’m so glad Jesus found Him, saved Him and told Him to be a leader in the prayer movement.
And now that I’ve mentioned cake twice in a blog about spiritual matters I think I will call it a night.
Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Intimacy with God, Leadership, Music, Prophetic Dreams
I’ve been learning to play the keyboard for several months now. I’m not really that great. I know a lot of chords and can play rhythm patterns to fit a song but I don’t know how to do any of the “fancy stuff”.
Last night I had a dream I was leading a set at the JPR (I’ve never done this before). It was the same old story. My keyboard skills weren’t great and I was doing just what I needed to do to keep the team at a steady tempo… however there was something intriguing about the whole set. I wasn’t freaking out that I wasn’t the best musician in the world. I might not have had the most amazing skills but the Holy Spirit was there and the music sounded great and people were engaged in what God was doing… all despite myself.
I think that the Lord was reminding me of something in terms of leadership. It’s okay if we don’t have it all together when we are leading a team of people. We are still in the process of learning like everyone else. We may have a ways to go yet but if we are submitting to the leadership of the Holy Spirit in our lives then we know we are heading in the right direction. His leadership is ultimately much more effective than our own.
Filed under: Leadership
I first read some Art last year when I read “Reality Hope of Glory”. It pretty much changed my life and my perspective on a lot of things. Currently, I’m reading Apostolic Foundations and am getting those same mixed emotions of being provoked to holiness and well… offense. Some of the stuff he says is just ridiculous but most of it is incredible and life-changing.
The other night as I was struggling with some cirucumstances and asking the Lord what He has to say about them, I pulled out Apostolic Foundations and found just the story I needed to read. The Lord had been speaking to me all evening about how the Lord used the relationship between Saul (the immature albeit TERRIBLE leader) and David (the then immature yet soon to be mature and wise king– who sometimes still made mistakes).
“The kingly person that men tend to celebrate cannot tolerate the life of the seemingly insignificant one who sees himself as but a flea. It is a timeless, classic contest until the end, and those who are anointed, regardless of their external unimpressiveness, will be harried and pursued by the inexplicably vexed, who cannot abide their very existence. Somehow those humble ones are not fit to live in their sight. And the offense cannot even be identified, for what brings the offended to a boil is the very foolishness of what the other is, unselfconsciously in God.”
Filed under: Dating, Forgiveness, Friendship, Humility, Leadership, Maturity
“Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” 1 Timothy 4:11
A girl I know here at IHOP got engaged last week. When she was telling me all about the exciting details, I have to say that I am increasingly impressed by the bars that continue to be raised by the men around this place. This guy, her fiance, secretly flew to her parents home in another state, asked for their daughter’s hand in marriage, video-taped the whole thing and then surprised her with an extravagant, romantic meal. I started to get that feeling that only a 27 year old female would get after hearing something like that: how the heck am I going to find a guy like that? Then it dawned me me. God’s been speaking to me a lot this year about the answer to that question. Not that I’m overly concerned with the idea of getting married but the older I get the more nervous I get… anyway. The Lord spoke to me and said “you find that guy by becoming that girl.”
But I don’t want to become “that girl” just so I can find a man. That’s lame. Paul is writing to Timothy in the verse above and one thing that struck me is that by Timothy, setting a mature example in his church, he was virtually eliminating the critical spirits of other believers. Obviously, there are always going to be cynics and heresy hunters running around but if we act and speak from a Spirit of truth, we are resisting the rejection of man.
Mike has been speaking to us about this for awhile now. There is something massive coming. I may not be in an official leadership office at the moment but I’m still in a place of leadership. I need to be an example. Let’s even take it up a notch higher. Yes, we need to show up at meetings when we are suppose to. Yes, we need to keep our word even when it hurts. Yes, we need to give even when we are low on cash. But what about the second commandment? What about when we feel like making that sarcastic comment in response to rejection and instead we turn around and bless? What about when we hear gossip and instead of joining in, we steer the conversation towards Jesus? What if we hear someone being struck down by another’s words and we decide to jump in and put our arms around the person being hurt? What if we make choices to be transparent instead of making everyone think we have it all together? What if in the moment of pain, we choose to forgive? What if we decide to assume the best out of someone instead of the worst? What if we stopped being competitive and let someone else be honored?
Now those are some hard pills to swallow.
Filed under: Biblical love, Friendship, House of Prayer, Humility, Leadership, Life in General, Maturity, Missions, Wisdom
In 23 days I am making my way to the United Kingdom… and I have no idea what is about to take place. I’m a little apprehensive about it. I have never been out of the country by myself before. I’ve tried to con friends to come with me and some have taken an interest briefly but then decided that they didn’t have enough vision… or well… money. Oh well. I didn’t have the money either, but I knew God wanted me to go… so here I go.
It’s amazing though how many connections I’ve been able to make from working in the book store. Within the week I have met three women from London. Natalie, who went through our Onething Internship awhile back and is here visiting with her sister and mom, offered to give me a ride from the airport… and was excited about it! I don’t know about you but I loathe picking people up from the airport. Not only is she traveling an hour to pick me up but she’s picking me up at 5:55 am!! I have always assumed, from word of mouth that British people are snobby and cold but I have yet to meet an unfriendly and selfish person from England at IHOP. The Farnham’s are some of the most selfless, generous people I know… and Natalie… well she is swell.
And how’s for a switch of subject? Was anyone else affected by Derek Loux’s sermon on Sunday? I loved the story of how Derek wanted to just chill in the prayer room all day and to not have any leadership responsibilities or roles and Mike explained to him that if he did this he might receive revelation, but he certainly wouldn’t learn wisdom. He went on to explain that we learn wisdom by being in fellowship with others. This was both frustrating and convicting for me.
Before I came to IHOP I had an amazing community of church friends in Dallas. I still am always on the phone with them and love conversing with them. We were a very diverse group. Some were more conservative than others, some had completley different styles, some maybe weren’t as articulate as others were but we all loved eachother and we always had a good time together. I’ve had a very frustrating community experience at IHOP and I would like to think that it’s everybody else and not me but I’m realizing that I just had it way too easy in Dallas. I was in a totally different season there. I was in a season where I was figuring out HOW to have community and relate to others and I was in a very easy setting to do this. But now I look back on the year that I’ve been here and I see so many mistakes that I’ve made along the way in loving others… and I’ve made a lot of them… that I’m realizing that I’m learning wisdom in all of this. Every time I relate in a wrong way to someone, I look back on it and cringe (of course) but then I realize that I have actually learned to NEVER respond that way again (with the help of the Holy Spirit). Ugghh…. it’s so hard learning wisdom!!!
I am once again returning to the evening section. The nightwatch has again become a distant dream. I prayed about coming back and this was the Lord’s answer, I guess. I began working part-time in the book store and they need someone more in the mornings/afternoons than they do in the evenings so the morning section is no longer my home either.
However, I was informed last night, by the lovely Molly Mosack, that I will be a PR Leader for a team on the evening section. How exciting is that??? See? Jesus had everything planned out before I did.
As of today, it is exactly a month before I leave for England. The Farnham’s requested that I bring a guitar with me, however my budget is extremely tight so if anyone would like to donate a guitar, please let me know. I’m ecstatic about my trip. I cannot believe this is happening! Life is AMAZING right now.
My mom is coming this weekend. This will be her first trip to IHOP. She hasn’t received a prophecy since she was in high school and she’s coming to the prophetic conference. This should get interesting. My friend Denise, who was a roommate of mine in FITN is also visiting with some of her friends from Jersey. This is exciting as well. Life is grand.
All the profound or inspired things I could say right now are much too personal. It’s just nice to know that Jesus speaks to me every-once-in-awhile.
