Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Humility, Jesus, Maturity, The Cross, Trust
To be like Jesus means we embrace humility and love those who deny and despise us. We see His heart open wide and weep for Israel as they drive Him out of cities and attempt to stone Him. We see how he reacted in love and tenderness towards Peter’s denial of Him. As He hung bleeding from the cross, arms open wide, taking upon Himself the sin of us all, He loved from the depths of His being, feeling the pain but not reacting out of it. In the cross He won our battle and succeeded but He succeeded by walking through disgrace. He was not pretentious but was truth itself. He healed the sick. He raised the dead. He did not withhold the gifts the Father gave Him. He was not self-sabotaging but came as an example to us of true Life. He did only what the Father told Him to do and did not withhold out of insecurity or pride. In the midst of rejection, He spoke truth boldly yet lived to serve humanity.
To be like Him means that we end the self-sabotaging, self-deprecating and false humility. We walk out our gifts not to esteem ourselves but to serve Jesus and man. We don’t shrink back because of our fear of failure but in meekness within the bounds of intimacy we offer all that we have.
You know, I think one of the hardest things in all of humanity… well, admittedly even in all Christendom is to apologize when you have wronged someone else. It’s a nice assumption to say to yourself “oh, of course I would apologize when I know that I’ve hurt someone.”… ummm… really? Because for me I might as well try to climb Mount Everest. Apologizing stinks. It’s not fun. Why? Because we are arrogant, prideful people. Apologizing is difficult for the following reasons:
1. We have to admit that we actually aren’t as perfect as we thought we were.
2. We have to admit that sometimes we can be jerks. And who the heck wants to be thought of as a jerk?
But fortunately the good that results from an apology far outweighs the bad for the following reasons:
1. It builds character. If we act like a jerk, we have to apologize and because apologizing sucks we won’t want to act like a jerk as often.
2. It prevents us from hiding behind walls of super-spiritual language and causes us to realize our fallen humanity that desperately needs a Savior.
3. It is utter weakness in which God uses to show His strength that much more and in which He is glorified.
4. It brings unity to the church through humility and meekness. Nothing creates a more unified expression of Christianity in the church than transparency through the asking of forgiveness to those you have wronged.
So… Jesus… I need grace to apologize when I’ve wronged someone else. HELP!
About five years ago I stumbled into a church in downtown Dallas. I thought I would be able to hide in the back of the church, believing that no one would take notice of the “new girl”. I was a broken woman seeking to regain some semblance of peace that I once had earlier in my life. I happened to be wrong about the hiding part. Several women quickly approached me and made sure that I wasn’t lost in the crowd that in most churches would slip out unnoticed. I received phone calls during the week inviting me on shopping excursions and always had a listening ear whenever I was dealing with heart issues. Transparent, safe community changed my life. If it hadn’t been for that church and the absolute sovereignty combined with the mercy of God in my life I would probably still be in total rebellion.
I thought about this as I was sitting in the prayer room during the 10am set this morning. A young woman was sitting next to me and made a comment that we both had the same shoes on (a likely conversation starter for two women in their twenties). I laughed but quickly turned back to my Oh-so-isolated intercession. Finally, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to ask the girl (yes, I asked her, despite the no talking policy) if she was new to IHOP. She smiled shyly and answered that she had moved here a month ago. We had a casual conversation and I asked her about her life here thus far. I was about to leave when, without thinking I grabbed a business card out of my wallet and handed it to her and said “we should get coffee sometime”. Yes… this may sound a little ackward to some since I had literally a three minute conversation with her but I saw a huge sense of relief and gratefulness register on her face.
I think it’s important that people don’t come to IHOP right off the streets or move into this community as a new member without us acknowledging they exist. And in that we need to remember to practice not only the sermon on the mount but cultivate the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness and self-control) in order for us to be a safe community to those that are broken we need to emanate these things in our lives. Yes, it takes a little bit humility and vulnerability but we can be such a blessing to people that are suffering from loneliness and rejection.
Filed under: Fear of the Lord, Forgiveness, Healing, Humility, Leadership, Maturity, Prophetic Dreams
Recent discoveries have pointed out some major concerns in the body of Christ. There has been an extreme lack of accountability and transparency among (many) of our leaders. I appreciate Mike holding the line for us and for himself in such a mature, grounded manner. I have to say that though I know the wisdom in being transparent and confessing my sins to my most trusted comrades, I have experienced the absolute unwillingness to share my deepest, darkest secrets. It is a painful thing to share with other people your imperfections and weaknesses. Ugggghhh… just thinking about it gives me a weak stomach.
I had a dream last night that has been disturbing me all morning. I dreamed that I was in a house and was about to babysit some children. I knew that the parents were somewhere around but they weren’t visible. A teenage girl was at the house and she was sort of taking the role of the parent. She was obviously very immature. Her behavior was haughty and prideful and she was just really annoying me. What annoyed me more was that she was telling me what to do. Instead of saying anything about the kids I was suppose to be watching, she directed me to the filthy house and told me where I should start cleaning and picking up. The entire time, I saw nothing of the kids. I remember being infuriated that that little punk was telling me what to do.
The next part of the dream, a woman from IHOP came over. This is a middle-aged lady on the base that I have never actually had a conversation with but she seems like a really great lady. She prays on the mic and seems super mature, humble and Christ-like. She came over to visit while I was “babysitting”. As she was sitting across from me she started sharing about how she was able to have dinner with Bill Johnson and picked him up from the airport and was able to really connect with him and see all these amazing signs and wonders. I felt envious of her for getting to do all these fun, amazing things with such a mature leader in the body of Christ. That’s all that I remember from the dream.
To put it mildly, basically the dream was massively exposing some deep issues that have been plaguing me for awhile now. I have had some interesting encounters with some young leaders here who I have labeled as very immature in their dealings with others… and myself. This actually might be true. They probably are immature and of course they are in process as the rest of us are at growing and maturing in Christ-like character. I’m realizing that my problem isn’t just that I think these people are immature and have no right to say anything about my own messes, but just that I don’t want to deal with the mess. I don’t want to bother with it but instead of dealing with it, I’m just highlighting the weaknesses of the leader to avoid the agony of allowing the Spirit of God to clean me up… and maybe I just don’t want to be cleaned up. Maybe I just want to cling to my “filthiness” because I like it. HOW TERRIBLE! The thought that I might actually be like this is scaring me but forcing me to really examine the state of my heart.
The second part of my dream is dealing with my own immaturity. Sure, I would love to work alongside a great, humble man of God who knows how to lead in a mature way, but I the Lord was showing me that it’s not the quality of leadership in my case, it’s a matter of willingness to have a teachable spirit and submit to not only leadership but the conviction of the Holy Spirit in my life.
This is probably one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had in my life. Worst as in, now that I’ve had this dream, I can’t help but realize that really, the ball is in my court and I actually HAVE to do something about it. Aaaaahhhhh!!!
Ok… so if praying with the IHOP family in an air-conditioned room while webstreaming The Call DC wasn’t cool enough… nothing cut the cake like Mike’s dance during Eddie’s set. What in the world?! Mike Bickle never ceases to amaze me. Now, no one can argue that Mike really does have a heart like David… not that dancing like a maniac across a stage in front of the entire world constitutes being a man after God’s own heart but I have to say that this was the icing on the cake next to Mike’s other amazing leadership qualities. I’m so glad Jesus found Him, saved Him and told Him to be a leader in the prayer movement.
And now that I’ve mentioned cake twice in a blog about spiritual matters I think I will call it a night.
Filed under: Biblical love, Friendship, Grace, Healing, Humility, Intimacy with God, Missions, Wisdom
It is true that those without a vision perish. If any of the few of you have suspected, for the last couple of weeks I’ve had my blog set to private. I’ve been trying to sort out things and attempting to learn how to restrain myself in my writing. It’s difficult discerning where to draw the line of vulnerability. It’s the dilemma of every artist. Back to the initial sentence. I have been feeling rather glued to a comatose state for awhile now. I’ve not heard any yes’s or no’s in regards to my hopes and plans about England and my future. I’ve not heard any specific direction whatsover in this arena; only that I will be there some day and I’m not yet ready to go as a permanent fixture. This has been answered through many dreams and prophetic words explaining that I was in need of much maturity before I could take any steps.
This is still true, however, God has lately become a bit more specific with me… or at least my heart has become more specific with Him. I’m not sure which of these is the true statement. Regardless, my heart is being stirred. A friend of mine, who I have mentioned in the blog I wrote yesterday, Aaron Kennedy is helping to start a house church in Brighton England, which I also mentioned in the post below this one. Anyway, I found myself this weekend, out of curiousity researching living expenses and rent in Brighton, having registered for free on several flatmate sites. I’ve been finding my heart burning intenseley for this area of the country as Aaron explains the things that the Lord has already begun to do in this area. This is exactly the kind of community I want to minister in. I didn’t really think much of it and wasn’t totally sure why I was doing. I know, even while writing this that I am not ready on a number of levels.
However, I was speaking again with Aaron today on MSN Messenger. I made the statement, “I am so jealous. I know I will be there one day.” He responded with “you will. I’ve already been asking around, trying to find a place for you to stay when you get here.” This may or may not have been a prophetic conversation but it was suprising considering how I had spent my weekend. Nonetheless, I’m learning that it’s all about going back to the basics. I have nothing to offer, if I don’t know Jesus, if I haven’t allowed Him to create in me a dwelling place for Him. If I haven’t figured out that this destiny is really all about His plans and ideas and purposes for the nations. And with this I have got to learn, somehow, to love and be loved. I’ve got to learn how to love his bride and his future bride without fear or resentment or anger. I’ve got to live from the heart Jesus gave me. I’ve got to confront my barrenness, my desperate wilderness self that refuses to let Him in. And I can’t be longing for these things so that I can become great. I have to be longing for Him because I’m in love with Him. I want an authentic, sincere, relationship with the Maker of Heaven and I don’t know how it’s going to happen but I know it will.
Filed under: Biblical love, Eternity, Finances, Friendship, Humility, Life in General, Sermon on the Mount, The Church
So this is what I get for trying to come to work. My van is now stuck at the bottom of the hill on Cleveland and I had to WALK the rest of the way home which is hazardous in itself.
Oh well. So I woke up in the middle of the night and heard the Lord clearly say “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven… for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”… Matthew 6:19-21. It was so clear and loud in my Spirit that it startled me a bit.
Last night, I had my first class of “Foundations of Healing the Heart” at FSM. We were asked to let the Holy Spirit examine our hearts and reveal hidden weaknesses. I have never thought that materialsm was one of my weaknesses. Yes, I like nice stuff just like every other girl in the universe but I never thought that it was out of control. Last night as I prayed that prayer, I didn’t think that “stuff” was an issue with me. But as I was thinking about it this morning, I realized that I do place too much value on all of my things when in reality… it’s all going to burn some day. None of it matters even though I think I place high value on it because it satisfies me temporarily or I think it gives me a higher level of social status.
This is not a Godly mindset. Several months ago, I was at FCF and I saw a group of FSM/FMA students. I felt like I was looking into the window of a high school, not a group of college-age students who are suppose to be practicing the Sermon on the Mount. Some really trendy, cute girls were sitting. They were clad in their urban outfitters ware and had cute, indie-rock haircuts. A couple of other girls came up to them and appeared to be attempting to have a conversation with the trendy girls. The new girls were dressed in what the world would consider a little dowdy and generic-looking. They might have also possibly seemed a little socially inept but that’s really not the point either. The trendy girls (that’s what I will call them in this context) simply rolled their eyes at eachother and then moved to another side of FSM where they wouldn’t have to sit next to the less-than-cool girls.
WHAT THE CRAP. This actually caused pain to rise up in my heart as I watched it happen. This has been an issue my prayer room team has been discussing a lot. Yes, we may study the Sermon on the Mount a lot here but I think there’s one verse that we fail to remember to actually practice “you ought to treat others how you yourselves would like to be treated.” Compassion. Sincerity. We are the body of Christ… this is not a popularity contest… this is the kingdom of God. Let’s get over ourselves… please.
The issue I see with myself is this… I really am just like these girls in some ways. I equate my own appearance and possessions with high social status when Jesus equates the purity of my heart, meekness, and humility with high status. We can talk all day long about how much we know about the Word and how we should be practicing the sermon on the mount but if we really aren’t practicing the second commandment ALONG with the first then it’s really completely POINTLESS to have knowledge about any of it.
Filed under: House of Prayer, Humility, Intimacy with God, Music, Prayer, Prophecy, Worship
Yesterday I was singing for a team at the JPR and we had what I thought was a fantastic set, though I tend to feel deeply insecure every time I walk off stage… I’m hoping that this will change over time. Anyway, I was all concerned that I had botched some things up but one of the guitar players started in on a very profound speech. He is also a guitar player for a popular team at the GPR so he’s pretty experienced, of course. He began to discuss the importance of being able to submit to what the Spirit of God is doing in the room during a set… to not just spout out scriptures because you think you have something good to say but to connect your heart with God and flow together in the Spirit with the rest of the team.
I’ve heard various singers say things like “singing is just like any other thing I do. It has the same emotional significance to me as doing the laundrey.” That just sounds really sad because to me, singing is prayer. At the same time, however, since I am a fairly new singer to IHOP and haven’t quite gotten accustomed to singing for reasons other than to pump my ego up, I struggle with not allowing my insecurities to overshadow what God is doing in my heart and in the hearts of the others in the room. I know this is a very easy reaction to have as a singer or musician.
Well, I have thought a lot about this speech since last night. The remedy? More soaking prayer. More prayer in general. More prayer room. And not only that but to remember that the reason I’m singing in the first place is to be more in love with Jesus and assist people, globally to be drawn away into a spiritual atmosphere where they can be more in love with Jesus as well.
It’s the same remedy we have when we are struggling with general prophecy. Prophetic singing obviously needs the prophetic spirit behind it. Prophetic singing isn’t just singing whatever comes to mind and having no heart connection to it at all. Prophetic singing is declaring, through music, what is on the heart of Jesus.
Filed under: Dating, Forgiveness, Friendship, Humility, Leadership, Maturity
“Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” 1 Timothy 4:11
A girl I know here at IHOP got engaged last week. When she was telling me all about the exciting details, I have to say that I am increasingly impressed by the bars that continue to be raised by the men around this place. This guy, her fiance, secretly flew to her parents home in another state, asked for their daughter’s hand in marriage, video-taped the whole thing and then surprised her with an extravagant, romantic meal. I started to get that feeling that only a 27 year old female would get after hearing something like that: how the heck am I going to find a guy like that? Then it dawned me me. God’s been speaking to me a lot this year about the answer to that question. Not that I’m overly concerned with the idea of getting married but the older I get the more nervous I get… anyway. The Lord spoke to me and said “you find that guy by becoming that girl.”
But I don’t want to become “that girl” just so I can find a man. That’s lame. Paul is writing to Timothy in the verse above and one thing that struck me is that by Timothy, setting a mature example in his church, he was virtually eliminating the critical spirits of other believers. Obviously, there are always going to be cynics and heresy hunters running around but if we act and speak from a Spirit of truth, we are resisting the rejection of man.
Mike has been speaking to us about this for awhile now. There is something massive coming. I may not be in an official leadership office at the moment but I’m still in a place of leadership. I need to be an example. Let’s even take it up a notch higher. Yes, we need to show up at meetings when we are suppose to. Yes, we need to keep our word even when it hurts. Yes, we need to give even when we are low on cash. But what about the second commandment? What about when we feel like making that sarcastic comment in response to rejection and instead we turn around and bless? What about when we hear gossip and instead of joining in, we steer the conversation towards Jesus? What if we hear someone being struck down by another’s words and we decide to jump in and put our arms around the person being hurt? What if we make choices to be transparent instead of making everyone think we have it all together? What if in the moment of pain, we choose to forgive? What if we decide to assume the best out of someone instead of the worst? What if we stopped being competitive and let someone else be honored?
Now those are some hard pills to swallow.
Filed under: Humility
We are really small. In comparison to the rest of the universe the earth is microscopic… and we, humans are even smaller.
I think God made it that way to keep us humble… so that we know who’s really boss.
