Filed under: Faith, Finances, Intimacy with God, Life in General, Prophecy, Spiritual Warfare, Trust
I have been really feeling great about my supposed move to a new apartment next week. I felt that this transition was really key to the journey Jesus was on with me. It would give me plenty of time alone with the Lord and a quiet place that I could let everything hang out with him. I had a roommate that was lined up that is very quiet and sweet so I thought for sure it was going to work out. I am suppose to move on the 24th… a week from today.
This past week I went to the prophecy rooms sort of on accident. I wasn’t really planning on it and then they happened to need people. During my time in there, Esther Min began affirming me on some things that were taking place in my life right now. That I was making wise decisions and also affirming the deep things the Lord was doing in my life. But immediately she caught my attention when she said: “I feel like Jesus is going to come into your house. Yeah. I feel like he is going to wake you up in your house in the middle of the night and you are goin got have encounters with Him.”
This was confirmation for me that this move was really strategic from the Lord.
However, I’m a little bit concerned as to the status of my roommate situation at the moment. She might have bailed on me. She is currently MIA when we have literally a week before our move and I have nowhere to go after that.
Last night as I sat in my room worrying about things the Lord spoke to me and said: Don’t you remember planning things before and they never worked out exactly how you thought they would but I always, always come through for you? Things aren’t always as you imagine them to be.
It’s true. The unexpected always seems to happen to me. Jesus loves to keep me on my toes.
I am still praying that this roomie will come around. I know the Lord wants her here and the enemy is cunning and sneaky and there is always warfare surrounding big steps of obedience.
Filed under: Biblical love, Eternity, Finances, Friendship, Humility, Life in General, Sermon on the Mount, The Church
So this is what I get for trying to come to work. My van is now stuck at the bottom of the hill on Cleveland and I had to WALK the rest of the way home which is hazardous in itself.
Oh well. So I woke up in the middle of the night and heard the Lord clearly say “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven… for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”… Matthew 6:19-21. It was so clear and loud in my Spirit that it startled me a bit.
Last night, I had my first class of “Foundations of Healing the Heart” at FSM. We were asked to let the Holy Spirit examine our hearts and reveal hidden weaknesses. I have never thought that materialsm was one of my weaknesses. Yes, I like nice stuff just like every other girl in the universe but I never thought that it was out of control. Last night as I prayed that prayer, I didn’t think that “stuff” was an issue with me. But as I was thinking about it this morning, I realized that I do place too much value on all of my things when in reality… it’s all going to burn some day. None of it matters even though I think I place high value on it because it satisfies me temporarily or I think it gives me a higher level of social status.
This is not a Godly mindset. Several months ago, I was at FCF and I saw a group of FSM/FMA students. I felt like I was looking into the window of a high school, not a group of college-age students who are suppose to be practicing the Sermon on the Mount. Some really trendy, cute girls were sitting. They were clad in their urban outfitters ware and had cute, indie-rock haircuts. A couple of other girls came up to them and appeared to be attempting to have a conversation with the trendy girls. The new girls were dressed in what the world would consider a little dowdy and generic-looking. They might have also possibly seemed a little socially inept but that’s really not the point either. The trendy girls (that’s what I will call them in this context) simply rolled their eyes at eachother and then moved to another side of FSM where they wouldn’t have to sit next to the less-than-cool girls.
WHAT THE CRAP. This actually caused pain to rise up in my heart as I watched it happen. This has been an issue my prayer room team has been discussing a lot. Yes, we may study the Sermon on the Mount a lot here but I think there’s one verse that we fail to remember to actually practice “you ought to treat others how you yourselves would like to be treated.” Compassion. Sincerity. We are the body of Christ… this is not a popularity contest… this is the kingdom of God. Let’s get over ourselves… please.
The issue I see with myself is this… I really am just like these girls in some ways. I equate my own appearance and possessions with high social status when Jesus equates the purity of my heart, meekness, and humility with high status. We can talk all day long about how much we know about the Word and how we should be practicing the sermon on the mount but if we really aren’t practicing the second commandment ALONG with the first then it’s really completely POINTLESS to have knowledge about any of it.
Filed under: Finances, Friendship, House of Prayer, Intercession, Missions
I know most of you are probably really tired of me talking about my trip to England but I’m NOT so I’m going to write some more about it.
I got an e-mail today from my friend Natalie who lives right outside of London. This girl is an absalute doll and is uber excited about driving me all over London when I get there. I’m so lucky to have met her this summer.
Natalie has written up a schedule which she has named the “Adventure Timetable” (I think she’s more excited about me coming than I am!)
Sunday morning I will be arriving at Heathrow at 5:55 am. I will be packing some sleeping pills so that I will be able to sack out on the plane while I’m there. Doing the nightwatch the night before will help tremendously.
At about 7:45 I will be getting to Natalie’s house to eat/shower/nap
at 9:15 I will be helping minister in the prophecy rooms at Natalie’s church, The Oasis.
at 10:30 CHURCH at the Oasis.
From 1 to 4 pm Eat and sleep
4 pm travel to London, have coffee
5:30 pm service at HILLSONG LONDON!!
8 pm… head to Laytonstowe where the Combrinks live and drop me off.
Okay. As you can probably guess I have been sleepless this week. I’m just too anxious and too excited about this trip.
Also during the first week I will be going to the All Nations House of Prayer where I will hopefully be meeting up with old FITN buddy, Aaron Kennedy. I plan to stay so busy while I’m there that I’m sure by the time I get back I will be close to death (kidding). If I have enough money I would also like to visit some houses of prayer in the north… maybe even in Scotland!… but it’s doubtful that I will have enough cash to do this. Friday, I am also heading to Paris where I plan to take a squirt gun crammed with anointing oil and squirt it all over the land in Paris (yes, I’m unfortunately kidding about this as well… or maybe not).
Now… CORNWALL is going to be different but in an intensely spiritual way. OH MY… I’m so excited about going there. The Farnham’s have also devised a rad schedule for me. This includes things like speaking at churches, sharing at a Bible Study for surfers, praying a lot, visiting a cool mansion, hiking, oh yeah… and the beach! Did I mention that I have seen pictures of where the Farnham’s live and I was blown away by how beautiful it is. They live in this HUGE old English house RIGHT on the beach in Polzeath surrounded by beautiful English gardens. It’s amazing.
I’m actually quite jealous of myself right now. Is that possible?
Filed under: Biblical love, Finances, Friendship, Grace, Intimacy with God, Jesus, Jesus Loves Me, Prophecy, Prophetic Dreams, Thankfulness
You know that weird dream I had awhile back about Mike Bickle taking all of my stuff? I figured out that that was just my fearful subconscious thinking Jesus wanted to rob me. After talking to one of the moms here, and her explaining that Jesus didn’t want to take my stuff but in fact wants to give me more… I was incredulous. Why would He want to give me more? Maybe it’s because He really does love me! I finally get it, I think. He loves me… a lot. Sometimes He disciplines those He loves or maybe sometimes He’s teaching them new things or making them stronger but sometimes He just wants to bless us and shower all kinds of affections on us. I can’t help but hold back tears as I write this.
After all that I have pressed through. After all of my questions and no answers back. After the pain of complete silence and my heart’s persistance and even though I didn’t understand…. He was there in all of it. Even though I don’t know how this deserves a reward, He’s rewarding me.
I had a REAL prophetic dream during FITN where Jesus was washing my feet… and I had hairy legs and He didn’t even notice them. Since then I’ve had word after word that the Lord’s tenderness is upon me and that He wants to “wash my feet” and that I’m in a season of seeing God’s goodness.
Thank you, Jesus for the other unexpected check that I got in the mail today to pay for my passport (I asked Him for it yesterday).
Thank you for the free massage.
And the free pack of gum.
And wonderful friends.
And your presence that you so gracefully lavish on me.
And your friendship. The fact that I get to know You every day amazes me.
What a wonderful Maker.
I cannot believe that I cannot believe God sometimes.
Once again Jesus does something extravagant to remind me that this is where I am suppose to be. I shake my head in wonder that I am even remotely deserving of Him to serve me in this way. It is totally against my nature to sit back and let someone be nice to me like He is. I suppose He is teaching me how to receive because I don’t know if I really understand how.
I went to Westport on Saturday to sell some clothes to Arizona Trading Company and much to my suprise they paid me $92.50 in store credit. After the HUGE blessing that He gave me just a few hours before, this just topped it off. I almost fell over.
One thing that I discovered is that trying on jeans is great motivation to start running again… and eating better. No more sugar! Jeans and swimsuits are EVIL! I did start running again yesterday and am paying for it today. Every muscle in my body hurts. I used those huge 320z cans of vegetables for dumbells and I think I injured a wrist.
Bob Frasier’s sermon on Sunday is absalutely messing me up. I cannot stop thinking about it.
Filed under: Finances
Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live in your holy mountain?
Those…. who keep their oaths even when it hurts;
Whoever does these things
Will never be shaken.
Psalm 15
Student loans: Don’t you love them? God has been convicting me of paying them off despite my total lack of funds right now. Basically, my student loan payment (which is quite a bit, mind you) and my rent plus utilities is devouring my ENTIRE budget… if not going over it. Thoughts of going back to stay with my parents for the next 9 months have entered my mind but something Alan spoke about at the fasting meeting yesterday has resonated deeply within me. Why did I come here in the first place? I miss shopping and not worrying about money… going out to eat all weekend with my friends. I miss just being able to have “stuff”… but that’s not why I’m here. I’m hear to offer myself to the Lord and if that means I have to embrace this uncomfortable lifestyle, than that’s what I have to do so that I can be obedient to the Lord in paying my debts. Alan spoke about how some day none of us will be able to have “stuff”. We will all be in the same boat. I know that God brought me here and promised He would provide for everything that I need and so I’m holding Him to that.
Meanwhile, if anyone knows of a place with INCREDIBLY cheap rent, let me know!
My contacts have disappeared and now I have to wear these stupid glasses that are highly uncomfortable and feel weird sitting on my face. I don’t have the money for new contacts. My car is about to fall apart (it needs a new clutch, new cv axels, new radiator, 3 door handles, working heater, brakes fixed, alternator fixed). I haven’t had a hair cut since September. I’m eating everything in sight because I’ve been so stressed out thus feeling even uglier on top of the already ugly feeling I’m having over wearing these glasses and not having a haircut since September.
I know I am suppose to be here. I am so certain of this that even if my car was stolen (but who… might I ask… would actually steal that thing?), my hair fell out, and I suddenly became blind… I would still remain here because I know God wants me here.
So I guess what I have to figure out is… what is God trying to teach me through this? I can see God slowly loosening my grip on this world, on possessions, on valuing the admiration of men… on my own vanity. I could be like my old roommate from Dallas who instead of succombing to the materialistic atmosphere at her Bible College, decided to dress everyday in sweats and a t-shirt (the girl is awesome, I tell ya). Instead of focusing so much on what is going on outwardly I could instead focus on the things that Jesus values most in me and the things he wants to make beautiful in my life. Instead of being the fragrance of this world, I could be the fragrance of Christ Jesus. Hopefully, in the process of being grounded in my identity and learning these valueable things God will give me a break and give me money for a haircut and contacts but in the meantime I think I am suppose to be taking advantage of this new revelation.
The Lord has been doing some interesting things in my heart the last month or so but it seems like just in the last week He has been teaching me much. Jesus has been telling me lately that He is expecting more out of me now, that He has raised the bar and I need to start ’stepping it up’. I know exactly what this means: issues with my time, issues with faith, issues with love. I have been so frustrated because I am naturally a very independent person and hate giving up control of my life. To say to the Lord, “okay, instead of farting around, I’m going to spend my time in a way that I can get to know You more and where I can grow on a deeper level.” So I’ve been reading the Word a lot more and now… well, it’s totally freaking me out. Listen to this verse in Luke 12:47 “The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know but does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Jeez. That is super super scary, you know it? Eternity is a huge deal and I think I’m finally not in denial about it anymore. I’m also realizing that in order to prophesy more effectively… I have to know the Word much more than I do. So I am going to immerse myself in it. Prayer, I haven’t had a problem with but reading the Word has been on the backburner for me and I realize I need it in order to grow and be changed. It is part of abiding in Christ and only there can we ever recieve the grace to pursue righteousness.
Also, I’m coming to grips that I might possibly be poor the rest of my life. I have given up many comforts so that I can pay for my “prayer habit”. For instance I will be buying my shampoo at Bargain Factory instead of Sephora, buying my clothes at Savers and when I have a little extra, maybe Arizona Trading Company (for all of you Dallasites, this is like a Buffalo Exchange except lower prices) instead of shopping at Urban Outfitters or well… Target (haha). And the way I see it right now… I won’t be buying ANY clothes any time soon because I can barely afford to buy groceries. But He’s teaching me that in light of eternity, this is not that big of a deal. So I have to buy Suave instead of Biolage or Phyto… it’s not gonna kill me. I may have mangy hair but at least I’m doing what God wants.
