The mark of surrender is handing our hearts and our lives over to the non-precarious hands of Jesus. It shouldn’t be scary but for some of us it is frightening. To wander this long journey in blind faith, trusting that His hand is guiding us through the night fog isn’t the easiest position to be in. For a select few it takes us several attempts of “putting our hands in it” before we fall face first.
Two years ago I had a dream about three trains. The first two trains represented two different people from my past. I ran across the train tracks as I saw the first train approach. I was sure that this train was the train that my friend was on and ran toward it even as it was moving swiftly to it’s destination. But instead of slowing down, it sped right past me without even blinking and almost knocked me to the ground. I turned and saw another train moving quickly toward me. It was moving even faster, charging ahead as if nothing could stop it. And nothing could; not even myself. I tried to flag it down but it moved on without me, almost killing me as it made it’s way along. Finally, I conceded and realized my attempts to stop a train on my own were not realistic. I made my way to the platform where others were waiting for their loved ones. Standing there, I wouldn’t get hurt. Standing on this firm place, I would be safe. After a short while I saw a third train enclosed in a steady cloud of steam. It was moving more slowly than the other trains and I was eager for it to arrive but this time I didn’t run after the train; I stayed in my spot, waiting. I didn’t have to direct the train, I only had to stand there and trust that the right train would come when it was ready to. I didn’t have to chase after it because if I did, I would only be risking my life (and probably my heart). At the end of the dream, I was still standing on the platform when the third train pulled right up to me and I was standing in front of the door, patiently waiting for my “friend” to appear.
For the past four years I have been standing on this platform. It has been a good four years. I’ve learned to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and obey Him (mostly) when He asks me to do or not to do something. I haven’t always been perfect with this but each time I make a mistake, I learn something new about the person of God and just how trustworthy He is. I’ve learned to be content and be satisfied with my relationship with the Jesus. I enjoy being single and have learned to take advantage of my independence. I have allowed the Lord to do a deep healing in my life from a past severely unhealthy relationship. I haven’t been perfected yet. I still have insecurity. I still struggle with trusting other people. I still wrestle with fear. I still fight against shame and inadequacy and unworthiness. I’m human but one thing I do know is that God is for me. He is has no plans to harm me but desires to give me a “hope and a future”. He loves me and wants good things for me and it’s not dependent on anything that I do for Him. I don’t have to pay Him anything for His love and care and guidance. He is a good Father and He loves to do this.
Surrender is a constant, daily task that all of us must submit to. Some things are harder to surrender than other things. The other night I had to surrender something again that I have had to surrender many other times before but it is something that never gets easier with time. It’s not that the Lord is forbidding something in the future, it’s just that He doesn’t want me to hope in something that is not Him… He is who I put my trust in. Human beings fail, but He never does. After I made the decision to once again say “Yes” to Him I had yet another dream that is similar in nature to the earlier train dream.
I was driving down a dark road (ahem, how cliché). The night was so incredibly pitch black that I couldn’t even see the outline of the road. It was terrifying but somehow my car was able to stay on the road without driving into some abyss. Suddenly, I come upon a group of large potholes in front of me and somehow drove around or through them without damaging my car or myself. I drove on, still in darkness, when I instantly notice a fire raging in the middle of the road. I quickly maneuver around or through the fire without singeing anything on my car or causing any kind of explosion. I again, continue on the dark road, still unable to see anything at all when I get an epiphany: just turn on the lights, Brooke! I flip a switch in the dashboard of my car and the whole road is illuminated in front of me.
In that moment when we truly, in our hearts, give our lives, dreams, aspirations and hopes up and let the Spirit of God rule us, understanding and light make a way for us to see situations and relationships more clearly. Blind faith, actually creates room for revelation. Revelation of who God is and where He wants us and where our lives are really headed.
I don’t want to view my current circumstances through the lens of my past any longer. Surrender is a beautiful gift from God that eliminates our false notions and perceptions. It cuts away preconceived and judgmental thoughts that cloud our reason leaving us with only His leadership and our God-given wisdom.
Surrender is gloriously painful and painfully glorious.
During college I worked as a supervisor for the afternoon program at a Montessori School in Little Rock. At the time, though I was pretty spiritually immature, I was also mildly vocal about my faith. I would often have spiritual discussions with my co-workers, many of whom claimed to be Christians. *Maria was a good friend of mine at work. She was very funny, somewhat controversial in her subject matter but when you were around her, you most definitely had a good time. She was a riot to hang out with.
One afternoon I snuck into the teachers lounge to warm up my lunch when I saw an open yellow pages on the table and noticed that it was open to the “abortion” section. I tried to shrug it off, thinking that it was just a mistake and that it just happened to be open to that page but I had a sneaking suspicion that one of my co-workers might be in trouble.
At the end of the week I was alphabetizing a school directory when Maria came into my office and shut the door behind her. She had a bewildered look in her eye.
“Brooke. I came to you, because I know you’re a Christian.” Maria said. She looked anxious. I felt anxious.
“I have five-hundred dollars in my pocket right now to go have an abortion this afternoon.” She became silent and waited for me to respond. The statement hung in the air, suspended like one of those Japanese paper lanterns… only a lot heavier.
I leaned forward and looked into her eyes and told her that if she aborted this baby she was murdering her own child. I told her that the child had a destiny and the the Lord was already drawing up plans for that destiny and she had no business altering the plans of God for her child. I told her that if she had that abortion she would be guilty of the bloodshed of a perfectly innocent human being and that she would be judged for it by God Himself. She would be judged because she not only knew it was evil (otherwise she wouldn’t have come to me, knowing I would try and talk her out of it), but because someone had warned her of how insidiously evil it was.
What happened? Ten months later she was strolling down our hallway with a tiny little boy named Michael.
I love Maria to death and I know that decision was a truly difficult one for her. She already had one child from a pregnancy when she was fifteen and now she would not only be a single mother for one but TWO children. I don’t pretend to realize that this would be an easy thing for her. But now she has this beautiful, precious little Image Bearer who was formed skillfully and uniquely for the enjoyment and pleasure of God.
We as Believers in Christ have the responsibility of warning this world of the judgement that sin will cause. Not only because we too will be judged but because those who commit that sin will be judged as well. It’s called mercy.
Filed under: Fear of the Lord, Forgiveness, Healing, Humility, Leadership, Maturity, Prophetic Dreams
Recent discoveries have pointed out some major concerns in the body of Christ. There has been an extreme lack of accountability and transparency among (many) of our leaders. I appreciate Mike holding the line for us and for himself in such a mature, grounded manner. I have to say that though I know the wisdom in being transparent and confessing my sins to my most trusted comrades, I have experienced the absolute unwillingness to share my deepest, darkest secrets. It is a painful thing to share with other people your imperfections and weaknesses. Ugggghhh… just thinking about it gives me a weak stomach.
I had a dream last night that has been disturbing me all morning. I dreamed that I was in a house and was about to babysit some children. I knew that the parents were somewhere around but they weren’t visible. A teenage girl was at the house and she was sort of taking the role of the parent. She was obviously very immature. Her behavior was haughty and prideful and she was just really annoying me. What annoyed me more was that she was telling me what to do. Instead of saying anything about the kids I was suppose to be watching, she directed me to the filthy house and told me where I should start cleaning and picking up. The entire time, I saw nothing of the kids. I remember being infuriated that that little punk was telling me what to do.
The next part of the dream, a woman from IHOP came over. This is a middle-aged lady on the base that I have never actually had a conversation with but she seems like a really great lady. She prays on the mic and seems super mature, humble and Christ-like. She came over to visit while I was “babysitting”. As she was sitting across from me she started sharing about how she was able to have dinner with Bill Johnson and picked him up from the airport and was able to really connect with him and see all these amazing signs and wonders. I felt envious of her for getting to do all these fun, amazing things with such a mature leader in the body of Christ. That’s all that I remember from the dream.
To put it mildly, basically the dream was massively exposing some deep issues that have been plaguing me for awhile now. I have had some interesting encounters with some young leaders here who I have labeled as very immature in their dealings with others… and myself. This actually might be true. They probably are immature and of course they are in process as the rest of us are at growing and maturing in Christ-like character. I’m realizing that my problem isn’t just that I think these people are immature and have no right to say anything about my own messes, but just that I don’t want to deal with the mess. I don’t want to bother with it but instead of dealing with it, I’m just highlighting the weaknesses of the leader to avoid the agony of allowing the Spirit of God to clean me up… and maybe I just don’t want to be cleaned up. Maybe I just want to cling to my “filthiness” because I like it. HOW TERRIBLE! The thought that I might actually be like this is scaring me but forcing me to really examine the state of my heart.
The second part of my dream is dealing with my own immaturity. Sure, I would love to work alongside a great, humble man of God who knows how to lead in a mature way, but I the Lord was showing me that it’s not the quality of leadership in my case, it’s a matter of willingness to have a teachable spirit and submit to not only leadership but the conviction of the Holy Spirit in my life.
This is probably one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had in my life. Worst as in, now that I’ve had this dream, I can’t help but realize that really, the ball is in my court and I actually HAVE to do something about it. Aaaaahhhhh!!!
Filed under: Art, Fear of the Lord, House of Prayer, Prophecy, Purity, Sin, Spirit of the Age, The Arts
It has been a somber yet clear and beautiful day after Mike’s exhortation yesterday during the staff meeting. Actually, I don’t know if exhortation is the right word… but I’m very grateful for Mike’s leadership and I’m grateful for the leadership of the Holy Spirit who prompted Mike to give this word of correction. There is nothing more destructive to the body of Christ than sexual immorality. It not only affects our own hearts but it affects the hearts of those we love. Trust me on this when I say that it can absolutely DESTROY the hearts of those that you have made vows with.
One thing, specifically, that I felt the Lord highlighting in my heart was the secular media. I have felt the pang of guilt as I watched a show on TV or watched a movie that was not particularly pure. Why am I watching something that Jesus would clearly frown on? We can make all the excuses we want by saying that we can’t seclude ourselves from the world and “we are in the world but not of it” but the truth of the matter is Jesus might go to a movie if it were today but He definitely wouldn’t sit through a bed scene or laugh at the raunchy humor of an effeminate charector. He wouldn’t consider a promiscuous couple to be “cute”. He wouldn’t embrace wickedness like we do when we let ourselves be entertained by it.
Art and film are beautiful things. I LOVE a well-made, well-written film. That’s why when the Lord started speaking to me last night during the meeting, things began to click in my head. Consider this a prophetic word… blog-style. Once we take the position of severing our connection with wickedness and embracing righteousness… God will honor it. How will he honor it? By filling the void that we think we have with divinely-inspired creativity… which can only be the best kind of creativity. I don’t think the believing community has done a great job with asking the Holy Spirit for ideas for higher-level artistic expression. It’s already inside of us, we just need to tap into it. IHOP has been prophesied over that we will be producing films… so let’s start believing God’s promises about this and not use the world for inspiration. Let’s use Him!
Filed under: End Times, Evangelism, Family, Fasting, Fear of the Lord, Intimacy with God, Jesus
Since I’ve spoken with my Aunt I can’t help but shake this urgency that I’ve been feeling. There are soooo many people that are totally unprepared for what is going to happen on this earth. That’s why I think this fast is so great. It’s uncovering all of this hidden sin in our lives and preparing us to be without offense when it all comes down. But there are so many out there that are already offended by this message and we have got to pray for them! I’ve learned that there is nothing I can say to them apart from the Spirit of God prompting me. If they only knew how merciful He was and how much He longed for them to know Him intimately. If they only knew their destiny in Him. Jesus tenderize their hearts and break up the fallow ground! Pluck them out of darkness. Let those who are now lost be found again!
“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments, Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing– Joel 2:13-14
19 I am a stranger in the earth;
Do not hide Your commandments from me.
20 My soul breaks with longing
For Your judgments at all times.
21 You rebuke the proud—the cursed,
Who stray from Your commandments.Psalm 119:20-21
About a month or so ago someone gave me a word that said that I was going to learn to love the Lord’s discipline and His judgments. To be honest, I was not happy that I received that word. I sort of thought that the people that talked about “loving God’s judgments” were well… a little weird. They would say things like this and I would ‘guffaw’ at how ridiculous they sounded. Love discipline? Love judgment? Are they serious?
Yesterday I entered into a totally new season. I wasn’t exactly sure what God was doing but I knew He was doing something different. Let’s just say that after much processing tonight I found myself exclaiming “God, I LOVE your judgments! Thank you so much for your discipline!!!”
That’s pretty much all I’m going to say. His judgments are good though. They’re really really good….
Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Eternity, Fear of the Lord, Intimacy with God, Jesus, The Cross
The other day, for the first time since I’ve been at IHOP, I found myself asking the question: what am I doing here? Everything in me wants to run out and get a normal job with a normal paycheck. Somehow each month I seem to have the money to pay my rent and buy food and I don’t know how it happens… it just does and it just affirms the fact that this is where I’m suppose to be but other times I feel like beating my head against a wall. I want so much to have control over my own destiny but Jesus keeps saying, “just sit here and receive. This is how it’s gonna happen, Brooke. This is it. This is what you’re here for.”
I’ve honestly had a lot of grace in my prayer times in the morning but then I go home and everything hits the fan. I’m confronted with the reality of my weakness every second I’m out of the prayer room and I am getting frustrated the more God seems to be asking for more of me. Am I willing to give Him everything? I don’t know…. EVERYTHING??? That’s so scary! I want the revelation that I’m here for something much greater, that I’m living for eternity. It is so painful being in this place of waiting on Him. As He exposes those hidden hurts, the blatant weaknesses and sin, it is almost unbearable. I just keep hearing from Him, my grace is sufficient for you and I do believe it. I know that I have access to a life of abandonment because of the cross, because He has poured his grace upon me, because His Spirit lives inside me. What’s absalutely killing me is the fact that I have to take steps to get there and what’s killing me even more is that the step is as simple as sitting before Him outside of my sacred trust I can’t even seem to give Him that. I know that’s what He’s asking of me. Jesus, do whatever it takes to get me there. We need you, Lord. We cannot, CANNOT do this without you. Help!!
Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Fear of the Lord, Grace, Intimacy with God, Jesus, Maturity
More and more and more I am getting revelation about how I desperately need to be in the place of prayer and how I can do absalutely nothing apart from Jesus. The more I am before Jesus, the more understanding I get about this and the more I feel I need to be in the place of prayer. I was reading Matthew 4 today about the temptation of Christ and I was struck at how Jesus knew that it would be severe disobedience if He satisfied Himself from His own divine power, rather than depending soley on His Father to sustain Him. I mean, we’re talking about Jesus here. JESUS… the savior of the world who understood that even He needed to understand that He needed His Father to accomplish God’s complete will.
That’s just incredible. I can’t get over it. I mean if Jesus, the perfect, beautiful man had to spend time alone with His Father for hours and hours how much more do I, a very, very imperfect person need to spend time with Him to do anything.
With that being said, another thing I’m recognizing as I spend time in the prayer room is that I am readily able to distinguish the voice of God and the voice of the enemy. I will hear something tell me “you’ll never change. you’ll be like this for the rest of your life,” and I’m able to say “heck no! you’re a liar! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But that’s the thing. It can’t be apart from Christ. God can make us new by the power of His Spirit but trying to be righteous on our own accomplishes nothing. How we need Him more than ever!
Filed under: Communing with the Holy Spirit, Elijah, Fear of the Lord, Intimacy with God, John the Baptist
WHAT IS GOING ON? I feel like I could sponaneaously combust with the amount of downloads I’ve been receiving from the Holy Spirit.
I called my dad tonight. If you don’t know my dad, you should. He’s one cool daddy and one of my best friends. It is certainly not because of his failings as a father that I have made some stupid decisions in my life. He’s also another reason I’m an intercessor because He would get up at like 5:30 or 6 to spend time with Jesus way before we were even up for school (I just know this because I had to get up to pee a lot). Anyway, I was gushing about Art Katz over the phone with him. I think I have an obsession with Art Katz now. Anyway, my dad says in a very casual manner “oh yeah. I took him out to eat a few times.”
Silence.
“DAD. SHUT UP.” (I do not say this in a disrespectful way… just so you know) My dad laughs softly.
“Dad. No really. SHUT UP. Are you serious?” “Yeah. I worked for Mike Evans in the seventies, remember. Mike is Jewish, Art is Jewish, so I took him out to eat.”
OH MY FREAKING BLUEJEANS.
I can’t believe my dad had dinner with Art Katz not only once but several times. He even had cool stories to tell about him. That’s… insane.
On to other things. Elijah and John the Baptist. WOW. Okay. These guys make me feel like I’m not saved at all.
If you think about it Elijah spent years and years and years out in the wilderness learning how to hear the voice of God so that God could empower him for one incredible moment in history… when he kicked the prophets of Baal in the tail (no pun intended). That is my favorite story in the Bible (oh and also the one about Shadrach, Meshach and Abendigo in the fiery furnace… dang that’s a good one too). How else could he have done what He did? He totally knew how to abide in God. He had years and years of cultivating the Spirit of God in His life and God used Him mightily because of it. John the B as well. The dude dressed the same and ate the same as Elijah and hung out in the wilderness his whole life just so that he could live out this very brief ministry that ended up helping Jesus completly change the world.
Basically after last week I don’t even feel like the same person anymore. Yep. Pretty sure I’m not. In light of all the crazy stuff Jesus is revealing to me about my future, studying the lives of John the Baptist and Elijah… instill terror into my very soul. But I actually feel a tangible outpouring of grace on myself and it’s absalutely mind-blowing.
To put it simply… I feel like wetting myself.
But then I remember the part about Elijah when the people repent after seeing his alter come ablaze with the power of God and how God’s promised rains (because of their repentance) come and Elijah goes up to this cliff top and he puts his face to the ground because he knows that he is weak and he can do nothing apart from God. God gave him what He needed to set that alter ablaze.
Whoa.
Jesus. Help me to always always behold your beauty. Help me to remember each day that it’s all about You. It’s all about You and if I don’t behold Your beauty each day then it is not worth it. Nothing is worth it if I don’t remember Your love. Oh God I need Your grace to do anything, to walk out anything and everything You have called me to.
